Sacrifice
by whitereflections12
Summary: Ok...Skate piece, starting around the time of 3X06...it was originally based off the preview of the 'close your eyes' scene, but it goes beyond that to my version of events involving escape plans, pain, and complications. r&r, if you're a skater please.
1. Close Your Eyes

I couldn't help but notice last night that when Sawyer was telling Kate to close her eyes(wow he looked vicious, didn't he?)it seemed clear there was something involving him she shouldn't see….likely his death. But the gun was pointed at the back of _her_ head, not at him. This scenario popped into my mind, and I actually think it's a little likely…not that they'll actually kill him(they'd better not…). And then there was the whole scene with them having sex(finally….)so….anyway, I'm defiantly a Skate and I just had to write this once I'd thought of it. Hope you enjoy it.

No, I don't own LOST. Or Sawyer. But I'd love him….lol

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It was fitting that it was raining. Somewhere in her head, Kate knew this. It should be raining, it should be dark. It should be just as cold as her heart felt. She could feel the gun, pressed to the back of her neck but it was all happening so fast. All too fast. She couldn't breathe. Pickett crammed the barrel into her skull with this right hand and pressed her up against the bars with his body. Sawyer was seething.

"You bastard. Get off her."

Pickett glared. "Take it easy, boy. I'm just giving you something that's gonna be useful." Using the hand he had used to hold Kate, Pickett pulled a gun from behind him and shoved it at Sawyer. Slowly, suspiciously, Sawyer took it. Stepping back to take Kate's bound wrists in his hand again Pickett gave Sawyer a malicious grin.

"Now, Sawyer, you're gonna take that and end your miserable life, and Kate here is gonna watch you die." Sawyer's eyes were narrowing dangerously. "And if you don't do it, well…" The jab of the gun to Kate's neck was all the clarification needed, but he spoke anyway. "I'll take her life instead. Then I'll kill you anyway. But if you do this, then I'll let your pretty lady live."

"NO!" Kate was screaming now, and she struggled with Pickett. Sawyer heard Pickett cock the gun.

"Freckles, be still." His voice was soft but commanding, and Kate stopped struggling. Pickett shoved her forward, pushing her face right up against the bars.

"You better hurry it up, Sawyer. I'm not a patient man." Sawyer could hear Kate's sobs, her screams. His blood was boiling, but there was nothing he could do. Nothing he could do for her. There should have been. He had failed her, once again. He always did. But he would not let them take her life. Even if it meant his, even if he had to hurt her, he would give her that one sacrifice. He would give himself, for her. Just as he had always known he would.

With a soft tenderness despite his fury, Sawyer spoke to her. "Close your eyes, Freckles."

"NO!! Saywer, no! It's not worth it! Please!"

Saywer shook his head. His voice was hard now, demanding. "Kate, close your eyes. Now."

"NO!" Kate heard him cock the gun and another sob escaped her. "Sawyer….please…."

Her pleas tore at his heart but the look on Pickett's face hardened his resolve. "I love you." He forced the words out, giving every ounce he could to control himself. He had had many years of practice, all leading up to this moment. Sawyer toyed with the gun, lifting it. "Come on, Freckles." Sobbing, barely breathing, he all the same heard her words.

"I…I love you….Sawyer….don't."

One last time. "Close your eyes." She obeyed, shut them tight, summoning up the memory of being in his arms in the sun yesterday, his lips on her skin. That was what she wanted, what she had to hold onto. She could not forget. The sound of the gunshot wiped away her dreams and she slumped against the bars, sobbing uncontrollably. Always the stubborn one, in a twist of fate she would finally be obedient to the one she loved. She refused to open her eyes.


	2. Jail Break

Thanks so much to everyone for the great reviews! I didn't really expect so many, and it really made me smile. In any case…in response to that, I thought…I might try and continue this and keep Sawyer living…tell me what you think. If you like it as a work in progress, then I'll keep going with it, but if everyone thinks it was better as a really depressing 1 chapter piece, I'll take this off and leave it that way. It's up to you, so tell me what to do! lol

And of course…I don't own LOST….just my little Sawyer picture I keep beside my bed. LOL

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Kate felt Pickett slump against the bars beside her, and her heart leapt. Even so, she was still terrified, still…

"Open your eyes, Freckles."

Kate's eyes flew open, jerking away from Pickett and letting his body fall to the ground. She could clearly see now the gunshot wound in his head. The shot she had heard. "Sawyer…"

Grinning, Sawyer stepped up to the bars, reaching through to wipe the tears from her face. "I had to make him think I was gonna follow through with it, down to the last second, so I had to make you believe it too. Besides, it was easier without you looking at me. Had to be sure I didn't miss." Kate's laughter was weak; she was still shaking. It had all just been too close…too draining.

"Hey…s'ok. It's ok, Freckles. We're gonna be ok." Kate nodded, letting him continue to trace her face with his hand. Sawyer smiled and grazed her lips with his thumb, then drew his hand away and knelt down by the bars, reaching through to pull the small keys for the handcuffs from Pickett's pocket. Gently, he unlocked the cuffs and slid them from her wrists, inwardly wincing at how bloody and bruised they still were. He had never thought he'd wish for Jack, but anyone to bind her wrists would have been a friend of his right then. Looking again down at Pickett's body, he looked him over with a critical eye. "Now…he should have the keys somewhere on him. Try to get down there and find them, cause I'm thinking it's about time we started running. I ain't sorry I shot him, but they're gonna come out here sooner rather than later and find him dead. And then, Freckles, I think I'll be fresh out of clever ideas."

Forcing herself to calm, Kate knelt beside Pickett and searched around his belt, finding a ring of keys and pulling them up. There were so many, a good 25 of them or more, and she really had no idea where to start. Going on instinct, she started with the oldest looking keys first, and on her sixth try the key slid into the lock and it clicked open.

Grinning, Sawyer slid the door open and stepped out. "It's jail break time…good going, Freckles." Sawyer caught her hand to take the keys, but Kate looked up at him as he did and his playful demeanor dropped. Just a moment ago, she'd thought she had lost him. He didn't want her to ever have to be afraid like that, certainly not on his account. Reaching down to cradle her face in his hands, he kissed her far more gently than he had the day before, taking as much time as he dared to reassure her of his presence, his love for her. A whole new sensation for them both. Stepping back, he slid the keys into his pocket but kept her hand in his. "Come on. Let's go."

From his vantage point at the computer desk, Ben smiled as he watched Sawyer take Kate's hand and head for the jungle. Pickett's life wasn't worth as much as Sawyer's and it was just as well he had been shot. He would have been trying to kill Sawyer as long as he was alive. "Go ahead, James. Just try to get her off this island." The next few days would be very interesting indeed. Still smiling, Ben switched the camera off and switched on a communication speaker. "Juliet? Tell someone to go out to the bear cages. There's a body that needs moving. We'll hold the funeral tonight."

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Sorry it's short, but I'm just testing this out…seeing if I should go ahead with this or not. Let me know, ok? Thanks!


	3. Not Sorry

Ok…chapter 3…woohoo! lol Oh and…last night…rocked my socks off. SKATE FOREVER! cough anyway….I loved it, and I had the execution scene half right…but it wasn't Sawyer gonna be shooting himself it was another man. Anyway…yeah. It was incredible. So here goes with chapter 3…I'm taking a bit of a different direction than they did on the show but I may steal a couple of things and put them in my own places…then again this is fanfiction, so I can do that. So long as I say…..

I don't own LOST(which I don't) but I would love to have taken Kate's place in the scene last night….him holding her hands….up against the bars….dang that was hot. lol

Little bit of a note on this one…mild sexual content here, cause we're gonna be heading into a couple of dark chapters so I thought they deserved one more chance to be together before it gets rough. Cause I'm nice to my characters before I hurt them. lol

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Sawyer made sure they were well into the jungle and under cover before he slowed to a stop, beckoning Kate to stop with him under the cover of some thick jungle vegetation. He settled down against the back of a tree, breathing hard. Kate sat down in front of him, crossing her legs and studying him. "So…Sawyer where are we going? You said we aren't even on our island. If that's the case, where can we go? We can't swim."

Sawyer laughed, rough and easy, and the normalcy of it calmed Kate a little. "No, Freckles, I don't want either of us to be shark bait. I'm thinking…these Others, they gotta have a boat. Gotta have more than one. And I'm sure the dock is guarded but between the two of us…maybe we can think of something. We can at least try. This is a small island…I'm thinking we get to the coast, wait for the cover of darkness, then we can search it out, figure out just where they're keeping these things. If we're lucky, maybe we can even make a go at it tonight." Sawyer flashed her a smile. "Be home by morning. How does that sound?"

Shaking her head but smiling all the same, Kate stood, already ready to run again. "Too good to be true. But it's a good idea."

Sawyer stood and stepped up behind her, brushing up against her back lightly. "Hell Freckles it probably is too good to be true. But I told you….I want you to believe."

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Jack knew something was going on. Knew it because no one had come to put a movie in for him, or to bring him food, or to generally just drive him insane. The intercom hadn't even come on. They were preoccupied, and he hadn't even seen Juliet all day. Frustrated, Jack had taken to pacing his holding tank, uneasy and restless. Whatever it was they were up to, it couldn't be anything good.

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The sound of waves crashing on the shore hit Kate like the most soothing music she had ever heard. All that time watching the waves back on their beach, she had never known just how welcome that sound would be. Then again, she had never known she'd be here, in this situation. She stood and watched it from the cover of the trees, watched the endless dance between shore and ocean, water and foam, waves and sand. She was mesmerized. Sawyer's arms encircled her waist from behind, warm and comforting, and she could feel his breath soft against her neck when he spoke. "Looks a little like home, don't it?" Kate nodded. "If anyone had ever told me I'd miss a damn island…" Sawyer chuckled. "Hell, I'd even be thrilled to see good ol' Mohammed right now, so long as he wasn't checkin' into the Bear Cage Motel." Kate turned in his arms to face him, nuzzling into his neck and prompting him to wrap her even more protectively in his arms.

"I was so scared, Sawyer." Her voice was soft, hesitant. She hadn't had much practice voicing her fears, her soul. Even less practice than she had had at being in love, and even with her two attempts that was still something she knew pitifully little about. Sawyer rubbed her back soothingly, all gentleness. She would have never expected him to be like this.

"I know. I was too." The last part he forced out, muscles taunt. He wasn't good at this either, this discussing emotions. Feeling them was almost as much as he could do.

"Why did you do that, let him just try to force you into that? You could have fought him, Sawyer, before he got you back in the cage, I know you could have. I know you."

Sawyer sighed heavily, trailing his fingers through her hair. "Well it's a funny thing, Freckles…I can't….do anything…when it means he could hurt you. I can't do it. I can't fight back when they have you, when there's any danger of them getting you….and they know it damn well. They know it too damn well. Sometimes better than I've known myself or been willing to admit but….I can't let anyone hurt you. I won't." The last words were a growl, a challenge and a promise, and Kate gave in to the warmth that filled her. Lifting her head, she slid her hands to either side of his neck.

"I'd rather it be me than you…and don't you dare ever scare me like that again, James."

Caught up in the moment Sawyer hardly registered her use of his real name. "I'll try to remember that." Kate kissed him, hard, and he lifted her in his arms to carry her farther into the cover of the trees, laying her on the soft, jungle floor. In one smooth motion he had slid his shirt from his shoulders and was halfway through removing hers. His hands were already committing her to memory. Sliding one hand down her side he rubbed her hip, and she moved against him, holding tight to his shoulder. Sawyer growled softly and nuzzled her face, leaving a soft kiss on her cheek. Kate's eyes were closed, content. "Hey…look at me." Kate's hazel eyes fluttered open, came to rest on his. He watched her eyes darken, watched them respond to his hands, watched her drink in the love he held for her in his own eyes. He had never been one to fear too much, but if he, if they, were going to die tonight, he wanted to remember her eyes just like this.

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Night in the jungle was never quiet, one asset. They would not have to be quite as careful to hide their footsteps. The cries of crickets, frogs, and the occasional bird hid their progression along the tree line. The moon shone bright and high over the water, lighting the bay. There were two ships at the dock, a sailboat called the Elizabeth that they quickly recognized as Desmond's boat, and another small motor boat like the kind Ben had sent Michael off in. What appeared to be the back of a sub could be seen closest to the dock. Leaning over her shoulder, Kate could feel Sawyer's breath catch. "A sub? Damn."

Kate shook her head. "They'll never cease to surprise me. There's always more to them than we think."

Still amazed, Sawyer continued in as soft a whisper as he could manage. "But what are they doing here?"

Kate shrugged, peering around the dock. "I don't see anybody. But it can't be this easy."

Sawyer shook his head, reaching behind him for Pickett's gun. He was lucky Kate had been smart enough to take it, stick it in her jeans. They just might need it. Taking a breath to steady himself, Sawyer stepped around beside Kate. "There ain't nobody out there. Where they're hiding, we aren't gonna see 'em. Best bet is just to try it and see. I'm going."

"Me too."

But Sawyer was already shaking his head, firm hand on her arm. "No you aren't, Kate. You wait right here, if it's safe, then.."

Kate shook him off, annoyed. "I'm not a child, get over it. I'm coming with you."

"You don't even got a gun."

Softening, Kate looked away. "I've got you. And besides, I can fight. You know that. Now are we trying this or not?"

Resigned, Sawyer gave her a half nod, stepping forward to begin their progression toward freedom. It had to be toward freedom. He didn't want to think what would happen if they took them back.

"Sawyer." Her whisper was insistent, and he paused but didn't turn to look at her.

"If we…if they take us back….I…love you, and I'm glad we tried. I'm not sorry."

Grimly, face set, Sawyer muttered without glancing back. "Neither am I."

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Hmm…will they make it, will they not? I'm sure you all know the answer but….the next chapter's coming up, maybe even today cause I have nothing better to do! (actually I SO have something more important to do…Finite Mathematics homework….but I hate that crap and today it's easy so….it's gonna wait, I'm thinking. lol)

Hope you're still enjoying it….and I am LOVING the reviews…they make me happy and all warm and fuzzy, and they encourage chapters. lol (yes yes…shameless review promotion…I know. But I'm not a review whore…really….they just make me happy, and I know I try to leave them always for stuff I enjoy so…yeah. )


	4. Real Love

Ok….next chapter! This one…is gonna be heading a little bit darker. And…I think I'm gonna have to up the rating, mostly for language. Sawyer is NOT happy…and when he's not happy, he's just not gonna talk any other way so…I'm not sure. Maybe I'll just leave the rating where it is. shrugs anyway…here goes

And I don't own LOST. But I do have a picture of all the Lostie guys over my bed.

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They had not even made it halfway to the shore when the shot rang out, a warning, and they both knew it. Sawyer tensed, raised the gun, ready to shoot at….nothing, because no one was anywhere in sight. Inside, his spirits fell. He should have known, should have known they'd have no chance. He should have left her, left her so she'd be safe and gone on his stupid attempt himself…if it had worked, he could have come back for her. But no, he had been selfish once again and wanted her with him. Now, anything could happen. To either of them. Kate took another step toward the beach and this time the bullet hit the sand just in front of her. Panicked, Sawyer threw out his arm and caught hers. "Stop it, Kate, dammit! Don't test these people! They WILL shoot you!"

"You're right about that, Sawyer. We've had just about enough of you." Tom's voice was hard, though still laced with that humorous edge he never seemed to lose. "So why don't you just drop the gun, and we'll take you back."

Nervous, angry, and way too many things all at once, Sawyer snapped in the direction of the voice. "Back where, Zeke? Back to our cages? Or back in that room to do some more psycho tests on me, kill more bunnies? You're just sick, all of you. I may not be a lot of things, but I'd go to hell before I'd be you."

Disgusted, furious, Sawyer threw the gun to the sand violently, turning back to pull Kate into his arms. He didn't care, what they said or what they did, he was going with her. End of story. No question. He also knew he wouldn't have a choice. Appearing from the trees, the rocks, the boat, the very sand, the Others approached, pulling Kate roughly from his arms and cuffing them both. Tom pulled roughly on his cuffs, jerking him back to look Sawyer in the eye. "You've been a bad boy, James. You killed Pickett, then you tried to involve your lady in your pathetic breakout attempt. This time it wasn't her fault it was yours, and I'm afraid she's gonna have to pay for it."

"You son of a bitch! You hurt her I swear to God I'll-"

A man to Sawyer's right slugged him hard, and he fell to his knees before Tom who grabbed his hair and jerked his head back. "You'll do what, James? You can't do anything. You're powerless, helpless, and you are a sorry excuse for someone who loves her. If you had, you'd have just risked your own life. Not hers."

Glaring, seething, Sawyer was speechless. In his heart he felt the same. There was nothing to say. Nothing to say, and he had never hated anyone more than he did Tom in that moment. Jerking Sawyer to his feet, Tom landed one more blow to the side of his face, leaving his hand covered in blood.

"You leave him alone!" Kate screamed, struggled violently but there was no use. The young man who held her was vastly stronger, and she could have never slipped his grasp. "I'll do anything….please….I'll do anything….just stop hurting him…" The words escaped her lips before she could register them but she wasn't really sorry. If it meant saving him, anything would be worth it.

Sawyer's eyes widened and he swore under his breath, still reeling with a throbbing headache he focused his eyes on Kate. "Don't say that. Freckles, don't say that."

Tom grinned at Kate, cocking his head in a manner more disconcerting than it was humorous. "You mean that, don't you, Kate? Well good." Tom laughed, motioning the Others to start moving into the jungle. "That's real good, Kate, because you know what, Ben just might hold you to that."

Doing his best to block out the words, Tom's laughter, Sawyer held Kate's eyes with his own until the very second the bag was pulled over his head, his eyes saying more than he ever could have in front of these people. 'I love you. Don't let them hurt you, if you can. I'm sorry, darlin'. I'm so sorry.'

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Jack's eyes widened when Tom dragged Sawyer in the door. It had been so long since he'd seen him, and here he was with a bag over his head, being dragged every step. Same old Sawyer. Tom wrenched the door to Jack's tank open and shoved Sawyer in, ripping the bag from his head as he did so, then twisting the key in the lock and freeing his hands. Wisely, Tom slammed the door before Sawyer could turn and get those same hands around his throat.

"Son of a bitch!" Sawyer slammed his hand on the door in fury, then turned to face Jack. For a moment they just stared at each other. Sawyer hadn't realized until then just how much had happened since they'd been apart, and he had no wish to tell Jack what had happened to Kate just now. Hell, he had no wish to think about what was happening to Kate just now, but his mind could dwell on nothing else but the possibilities.

"Sawyer. What's going on? Kate said you were in a cage…"

Sawyer was pacing now, eyes filled with rage and looking for all the world like a caged tiger. It was already getting on Jack's nerves. "We were."

"And…what else, Sawyer?"

Sawyer wheeled on him, glaring. "Look, will you shut up? Give me a minute here."

Frustrated, Jack slammed his fist down on the table. "No, Sawyer, I wanna know what's going on. Yesterday, they come ask me to do this surgery, even get Kate to try to convince me to do it. Then, they let me out and I see you with her, on a television monitor-"

Sawyer cut him off, eyes hard. "What did you see?"

Jack shook his head, laughing bitterly. "Enough. But not much, if that's what you're wondering. But someone else probably did. Not that you care, right? And I was thinking about doing the surgery, giving you a chance to escape, saving you for…" Jack couldn't even finish. Couldn't say he wanted to save Sawyer for Kate's sake. That wasn't the kind of thing he could say to Sawyer's face. "But this morning, no one even comes in here, then just now they drag you in and throw you in here with me without even so much as a word. So yeah, Sawyer, I think I deserve for you to tell me just what the hell is going on here."

Breathing heavy, still pacing, Sawyer shoved the words out through gritted teeth. "We tried to escape, and they brought us back. There ain't much more to say."

Jack's heart skipped, raced. They had failed, and what would they do to Kate for this disobedience? "Where is she, Sawyer?"

Sawyer continued pacing, eyes on the thick, clear wall between them and the other side of the room.

Jack grabbed Sawyer's arm, pulling him to a stop, voice frantic. "Sawyer, where is she?"

Pulling violently away from Jack, Sawyer let loose the reigns on his anger. "I don't know, dammit! You think I got all the fucking answers? If I knew where she was, you think I'd be in here pacing this damn wall with you, Metro? Hell no! I don't know…where she is…or what they're doing to her but they said….they said they'd punish her for my escape attempt." Sawyer looked away, unable to look Jack in the eye as he said the last bit. Jack would blame him, just like he blamed himself.

Furious, Jack stared him down. "And you just…LET them take her?"

"I didn't 'let' nothin', smartass! You think I had a choice? Or would you rather they brought her body back? Cause that sure as hell wasn't what I wanted. They took her from me." The memories of the moment overwhelmed Sawyer, and he could feel the pain welling up strong in him. "They took her from me. Ripped her outta my arms….don't tell me I let them take her."

Stepping back at the power in Sawyer's voice Jack studied him, a little subdued. Subdued, but still angry. "If anything happens to her…"

That was enough, and Sawyer snapped. "You'll do what? And where the hell is it your place to be making threats anyway? Like you've been the one to take care of her before. I seem to remember, Jack, last time she was taken. I was there; I stepped up and held her, untied her, was there to steady her and where were you? Huh, Jack, do you remember?"

Shaking his head, Jack looked away. "That has nothing to do with this."

"It has everything to do with it! You think you love her so much, why don't you just get over yourself and see the truth. You don't love her half as much as you love taking care of everybody, but you wanna know something, Doc, love can't be about everyone. It's gotta be about one. That's all."

Jack laughed. "Oh and you think _you_, Sawyer, are qualified to tell _me_ about love? I've been married and all you ever have are a bunch of one night stands that probably thought you were the greatest until you stole them blind. That's not love, that's just charm."

Sawyer broke in, yelling at the same time, covering up the second half of Jack's sentence. "Yeah I am qualified, you know why? Cause I don't think about everyone else first and her last. Remember when Mike shot Ana Lucia and Libby? She sat there on the couch, crying her eyes out for God's sakes, and you were too preoccupied to even look her way but I sat there and held her while she cried. I was there. So who are you to tell me that you love her when in every crisis she's had since we've been on this damn island, I'm the one there for her, not you? That ain't love. You like the idea of love, Jack, but you just want to fix everything…take care of everybody…you're real good at the fixing but you don't know how to maintain a damn thing. And that's probably why she left you, your wife, isn't it?"

Jack's face hardened. Sawyer's last remark had hit home, a real punch right where it would hurt him most, and the fight was serious now. "What business is that of yours? And how do you know she left me? Maybe I left her, you ever think of that? Maybe she died, maybe-"

Sawyer cut him off, waving his hand dismissively. "If it'd be you who left her you wouldn't have used that as an example to tell me you know more about love than me, less you're dumber than I think you are."

Jack let it slide, changing the subject. "I love Kate."

"No, you don't." Sawyer laughed roughly. "And it don't matter a damn bit if you think you do, because she didn't choose you, Doc. She chose me. And that just hurts your big, rich doctor pride, don't it? The girl, choosing the Southern boy over you. You got your head so far up your ass, you just can't even see that you're taking care of everything but the people themselves are getting a little lost in the shuffle."

Jack quieted, mind running over what Sawyer had said. "She said she loved you?"

Taken aback, Sawyer started pacing again. "Yeah. Yeah she did. But what is it to you?"

"Does she know you had sex with Ana Lucia?"

Sawyer rounded on him, taking Jack by the collar and driving him back against the wall. "If you tell her-"

"No, Sawyer, you should tell her. Or maybe you just screwed her because you could, just like with Ana, you-"

Jack was cut off sharp, Sawyer's fist taking him hard and knocking his head back to slam against the concrete wall. Sawyer's eyes were full of venom when Jack regained enough clarity to look at him. "Don't you ever say that again. I…we…I can't describe it you, and I don't think I care to give you details. But I didn't just screw Kate. No way in hell." Softly, muttering and turning away from Jack. "I've never felt anything like what we did in my life…so don't you tell me what I did or didn't do. You don't know me half as well as you think you do."

Jack sighed. "I won't…tell her. Not because of you, but because I wouldn't hurt Kate like that."

Sawyer let out a short laugh. "Oh you think you're better than me saying it like that? You think I'm proud of what I did now, that I wouldn't-"

"Shut up."

Annoyed, Sawyer glared at him. "Hey why don't you shut up, I was talkin'."

"Sawyer, will you shut up, I'm trying to listen!" Shaking the last bits of disorientation from himself from the punch, Jack ran to the intercom in the wall.

The intercom had indeed come on, and between the crackling of the static came in the unmistakable sound of a woman crying. Sawyer and Jack's eyes locked, their argument forgotten. Kate was crying.

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….don't ya hate me? lol Well at least they can agree on one thing….when Kate cries, everything else STOPS. lol Well…I had quite a bit of fun writing this argument between Sawyer and Jack. Hope you enjoyed reading it. I'll try not to leave ya hanging too long….leave me some encouragement, if you will. Love you all, my loyal readers!


	5. Punishment

Ok….next chapter. Just to let everyone know….pretty much never expect an update over the weekend. I'm really, really sorry about that, but for reasons of work and people in my house having a prejudice against fanfiction (don't ask. lol) I just can't get a chance to upload anything new. There may be a point where I do, but that's unlikely. Friday's are also hard for me to update on cause I have a freaking 3 hour chem. lab (that I HATE….chem is death….anyone else agree? lol) then work for the rest of the day…but some days I may be able to update in the morning. For the most part, the best bets for updates are probably…any of the other days of the week. And maybe a few extra chapters on Monday to make up for the break. I try to be nice. And I love writing so…I do as much of it as I can. so….on with the show.

I don't own LOST. I do, however, own a DVR'd copy of "I Do" and I love it…being able to rewatch is amazing and I think it'll help hold me together over the break.

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Sawyer and Jack both lunged for the intercom at the same time, voices competing. "KATE! Hey, Kate!" More static, more interspersed crying, and Jack gave up, turning and glaring out through the transparent wall, leaving Sawyer to continue calling uselessly into the box.

"Kate! Kate, it's me! Kate!"

Jack lifted himself up on the table, still staring out the wall, immensely frustrated. "Give it up, Sawyer. That thing never works. At least not to contact anyone outside here. It comes on and off…" Jack shrugged. "Randomly it seems though I'm pretty sure they have absolute control over it from somewhere, but they'll never let you be heard on the other side. I doubt they want Kate to hear you."

Sawyer shot him a glare. "Just because you give up easy doesn't mean I do."

Jack sighed, settling down against the table. "Whatever you want."

Sawyer knew it was useless, knew that Jack had probably tried this a dozen times, maybe even when they had had him in there, he didn't know. He didn't want to think about that, however, because that could mean Kate was in the same room he had been…the same room with the table, and the straps, and the useless painful experiments just to keep him under control. Even if he believed Jack, he couldn't accept it. He punched in the button angrily, ready to try again.

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When they had first begun walking her back to camp, Kate had been able to hear Sawyer. It had a been a little thing, the familiar sound of him breathing, moving, just like she was used to as they walked them both back in the dark. A little thing, but when it grew quiet and she realized she was being led off in another direction she realized just how much it had meant to her. Even without being able to see him or speak to him, his very presence seemed to make her stronger. The minute she was alone, she began to feel the fear creep in close, squeezing her heart until even breathing was difficult. She hadn't realized just how much these people frightened her. Funny, how he seemed to make her oblivious to her fears. All except losing him. Kate's heard jerked up at the sound of a heavy metal door being slid open. She could feel that she was walking now on concrete, hear the sounds of machinery and through the bag she could tell there was now dim lighting. They had taken her inside the hatch, just like when they took her to see Jack. Somehow, she didn't think that was where she was going now. Not such a good thought. One more steel door then the bag was ripped off her head and she was facing a small table with two chairs, Ben already across from her. Just like she had expected. The man holding her backed out the door, tossing the bag to the floor as he did and shutting the door behind him to leave the two of them alone.

Smiling that eerie smile that seemed more devilish than benevolent, Ben motioned to the chair across from him. "Sit down, Kate."

Kate only glared. She would not give him the pleasure of following his every wish. "I'd rather stand."

"I don't think I like your attitude, Kate." Ben shook his head at her gravely, eyeing her as a teacher would an unruly child. "You know…I don't understand. We are not the bad guys here yet…all you seem to want to do is cause us trouble."

Kate's laughter was weak, but his statement was so absurd she could do little else. "You're the good guys? Your man Pickett tries to kill Sawyer, tries to make Sawyer kill himself in front of me, and you tell me you're the good guys?"

"Pickett was upset at the death of his wife. Can you blame him?"

Kate's eyes were vicious, dark and determined. "Yes. I'm glad Sawyer killed him."

"I didn't want to hurt you, Kate." Ben stood as he talked and Kate, growing uneasy, backed toward the door. "I wanted things to be easier for you but, I anticipated this so I told you these first few weeks would be unpleasant. I'm afraid we have to punish you for Sawyer's mistake and…there is still the matter of Sawyer's life. He's becoming very dangerous and very unpredictable. I wanted to keep him but under these circumstances…" Ben trailed off, shaking his head. His intentions were clear.

"What do you want, Ben? Hmm? What do you want from me? Whatever it is, I'll do it, if you'll let him live."

Ben's smile broadened. "Good. Very good. There's the matter of….your punishment and that's very unpleasant business, I'm afraid…I'm not very fond of the process. I'll leave you for that, then they can bring you to me to discuss Sawyer's…price." Ben turned to walk away, then stopped with his hand resting on the door. "And Kate…I'll still need you to convince Jack to do the surgery. Because if I die….there will be consequences."

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Jack was asleep, Sawyer noticed. He had probably been asleep quite awhile. And wasn't it ironic, he couldn't help but think, that this man who claimed to love Kate had fallen asleep….and here he was, pacing the tank like a man going mad. Jack had been right, the intercom was useless. Even he had had to admit that after awhile. But that was hours ago, and no noise had come from it since. Sawyer hadn't slept since the night he and Kate had first been together…hadn't slept since falling asleep with her in his arms. He was tired, but it could wait. It had to wait. Somewhere, Kate needed him and he couldn't sleep knowing that. The sound of the door opening jolted Jack awake, and both he and Sawyer turned to look out the wall of their prison. Tom was wheeling in a TV. "Sawyer, Jack, come here." Both of them gravitated toward the wall, curious yet filled with more than a little dread. Tom pulled a tape from the shelf on the cart and waved it at the glass, tapping the side of it. "I told you, Sawyer that Kate would have to be punished for your failure to be obedient. Would it really be punishment if you never had to see it? That wouldn't serve our purposes at all."

Sawyer's mouth was dry, his heart pounding in his chest. "You bastard. Where is she? What have you done to her?"

Tom slipped the tape in the VCR and left the room, stopping at the door to wave. Both men already had their eyes too glued to the screen to pay him any mind, but at the last second Sawyer unsteadily jerked his head away to fix Tom with an unyielding stare. "If this was you, if you hurt her, I swear to you, buddy, you won't be living much longer." Tom didn't respond. It would have been too late to pay any attention to him anyway. The video was starting. It wasn't the same room, and that was the first thing Sawyer noticed. It was similar, but everything was arranged a little different. The angle of the table fit the camera angel perfectly however, and the straps on that table were all too familiar. Sawyer's hands tightened into fists. The room was empty, but Kate arrived soon enough, led by two young men Sawyer had never seen, leaving him to wonder fleetingly just how many people comprised this group of Dharma remnants. The thought passed quickly, though, because they were shoving Kate onto the table and strapping her down.

"What are you going to do to me? What am I doing here?"

"Oh hell, Kate…." Sawyer drifted forward, his hand coming to rest on the glass. He seemed to have forgotten Jack's presence entirely. Not that it mattered. One of the men left, one remained. He pulled a knife from his belt.

"You know how sharp this is, Kate?"

Kate didn't answer, just looked at him, and Sawyer could see the thinly veiled terror in her eyes. The man reached to the floor and lifted a cage, a bunny inside it marked with a 4.

"What the hell…" Jack murmured, completely lost. Sawyer wasn't. He knew the tactic. Whatever they were going to do to the bunny…

The man pulled the bunny from the cage, slid the knife across his front leg. Instantly taking the skin all the way down the bone. Kate's eyes widened. "STOP! Stop it!" Grinning, the man slid the bunny back into the cage, bleeding on the floor.

"I'm glad you understand, Kate. Now don't worry, it won't be that bad. But I'm afraid we have to punish you. And remember Kate, you have Sawyer to thank for this."

Sawyer's fists connected hard with the glass, making far less noise than would have been expected. "NO! You son of a bitch, NO! DAMMIT KATE!" Jack had turned away, his pulse racing. For him, the pain was too great too watch. For Sawyer, it was too great to look away. Jack heard her scream, and he flinched visibly, as much in response to Sawyer's continued vicious outcries as anything else. He knew it had to have been bad. At least, bad enough. Jack cut his eyes back, looked at the screen only long enough to see blood on her arm, then he turned away, turning his eyes instead to Sawyer, still screaming and pounding futilely at the glass. It seemed to drag out forever, the video playing in the background and Sawyer….he couldn't help but watch Sawyer. Sawyer fought so hard, fought but gained no ground. Not that he cared, or even seemed to notice. And Sawyer's words about himself came back to him, swirled around in his head and called to memory a time when he had had that kind of singular focus. He could remember how it felt, still, to sit at that desk when he should have been working, dialing every number that could possibly give him the name of the man that was with his wife. Anything to get him information, maybe if he had enough he could be the better man. He wanted so much to be the better man. He could have a chance. He wouldn't let her go. He couldn't. But that was only after he had failed her, after everything had fallen apart beyond his ability to save it. He hadn't been able to….fix…that, but he had certainly tried. Maybe that was, after all, what he was good at but he couldn't help but want a little more…to be able to save something he wouldn't later lose. Maybe that was what he wanted in Kate, a chance to start over, to start fresh…..to give his love to someone he could fix and keep them with him….but looking at Sawyer, his hands now leaving blood on the unmarked glass, he realized that no matter what it was he had felt for Kate, he had nothing on this man. He loved Kate, loved her dearly, but Sawyer loved her beyond reason, beyond care for anything else in the world, and maybe that was the answer. Either way, he could still hope for another chance to prove himself, still love Kate and protect her…but he had lost, here, lost by Kate's choice and lost to Sawyer. He would have to get used to it. The video was still playing, and every scream she made seemed to tear another chunk from Jack's heart. He could stand at the window no longer, and instead turned away to pace against the back wall. It was over as abruptly as it had begun, and the tape shut off, leaving a black, blank screen. Sawyer, chest heaving, stood stock still, staring into the darkness. Willing it to come back on, to show him for certain that she was alright. But it didn't. There was nothing, no one to take the cart away. Nothing but the black screen, and the red lines of Sawyer's blood marking the aquarium wall.

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I know, I know…big collective…awww….poor Sawyer…..not to mention OUCH, for both of them. But I love Jack to(even though I'm so glad she didn't pick him. I would have been ticked beyond words. lol) so I had to give him some feelings. Anyway….depressing, yes? yes….and yes, there is more that happened to Kate, no, you won't find out for quite awhile but you will eventually…I know now. ;) lol anyway…

I am loving the reviews. They make me feel so loved, especially Piper Chris Fan, Special Agent Ponytails, and Summers Rage…my most dedicated readers/reviewers, but I love you ALL.

::hugs:: I will be honored to help my fellow skaters through the break…and in doing so I'm gonna help myself make it (along with repeated watching of "I Do", the best skater episode ever)

Hope everyone had good weekends!


	6. Something to know

Next chapter! Writing it same night, cause I have nothing better to do….yay for empty time. And me….cause I have no life anymore. LOL

I don't own LOST, but I do own Season 1 and 2 and the lovely recordings of convos that I've made to listen to in my car, headphones, etc…..yes, I am that much of a nerd. My secret is out. ::sighs::

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Sawyer hadn't moved, and Jack finally stepped up behind him, speaking hesitantly. "Sawyer? It's not coming back on. Come on. Let me….let me look at your hands." Sawyer pulled away angrily, not even answering him. "Sawyer…you think I wanted to see that either? You think I'm happy, that I feel great cause of what they just made us go through? You think I don't wanna charge in there and rescue her, keep her safe?"

"Oh will you shut up." Sawyer snapped, but his voice had softened and he was pacing slower than before, rubbing his raw knuckles unconsciously. "They've been beating on me since we got here, this is nothing. It's nothing."

"Yeah, well, you weren't gonna get that wall to go anywhere no matter how hard you tried."

"Oh you think I don't know that? I couldn't…" Sawyer swallowed hard and the desperation in his voice was enough to make even Jack feel for him. "I couldn't just…watch…and do nothing. Even if it didn't do no good. I couldn't just watch. It was….too much for that." The thought, the memory of the tape brought it back to him vividly and Sawyer sank down to the floor, leaning back against the table. He hadn't realized how weary he was until he actually sat down. He was silent for a minute, and Jack sat down beside him. Neither of them really knew what to say, and Jack thought Sawyer had fallen asleep out of exhaustion when he finally spoke. "She didn't cry."

Jack had been so lost in his own thoughts that it took him a minute to register the statement. "…what?"

"When they…" Sawyer tightened his hands into fists, his nails digging into his palms. "When they hurt her, she didn't cry. She screamed, but she didn't cry…not like what we heard. When we heard her crying…had to have been something else. Some other reason. Something else those sons of bitches did to her."

"They'll never tell."

Sawyer nodded. "But…she might. Either way…I get my hands on any of them, they're dead. No questions asked. I don't care if they were even involved. I'm past caring."

Annoyed, Jack shifted uneasily. "That's real good, Sawyer. Just kill the first one of them you can, get us in an even worse situation, maybe they'll kill her next time, just to show you."

"Yeah, Doc, and what would you suggest?"

Jack caught Sawyer's eye, holding his gaze and trying to communicate to him, somehow, that he was no less serious than Sawyer. "We wait. We bide our time, and when the timings just right we pull something big and we make an escape. Or maybe not all of us." Jack looked away, studying the floor. "Maybe just the two of you, and I can pull of a distraction."

Sawyer looked at him sideways, surprised. "And you'd just do that…for us?"

"Yeah, Sawyer, I would."

"And what happened to your old….live together die alone speech that Kate's so fond of quoting?"

Jack shook his head. "I meant it. But desperate times call for desperate measures and…if we all can't make it, at least some of us can. Maybe get word back, maybe come back and get me somewhere down the road once you have a better plan, better idea of what you'd be getting into."

"Maybe. From what I've seen, I think they've planned for everything. But…I can't tell her that." Settling back against the table and moving a little farther away from Jack, Sawyer could feel the exhaustion wearing at him. He was tired, so tired, and everything hurt. His heart worst of all. There was no telling when or if he'd be seeing Kate any time soon, and his injured body was complaining about the strain of being up for almost two days straight. Reluctantly, Sawyer closed his eyes and let sleep take him.

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"_So Freckles…gotta ask you something. Remember that day, when blockhead was beating on me, and you said…you loved me. That was just to get him to stop…right?"_

_He was nervous, so nervous, and maybe he shouldn't have asked. But part of him had to know, had to know because just having her like this, here in his arms, it was wonderful but it wasn't good enough. He had to know, had to know if he had her heart now that she so completely had his. _

_Slowly, she raised up to face him, kissing him gently and with enough love poured into that she needed to say nothing. A soft smile on her lips, she tucked her head back into the hollow of his neck, feeling safe and warm. He said the only thing that could be said. "I love you, too." And for the first time in his life, he truly meant it…meant it more than even she could ever know, he thought. But he hoped he was wrong, because if she loved him like that…then nothing could ever be wrong again._

_He tightened his arms around her, held her in closer. He could never get enough of this…enough of how it felt to have her skin against his, her body wrapped up warm against him. They relaxed, more than they had ever thought they'd be able to in this place. Until Kate stirred, rubbing her hands over his chest and lighting a fire in his veins, enough to tip her chin up to force her to look at him._

"_We're gonna have to get dressed…get some sleep…I should give you your shirt back…" Kate pulled it off her back, uncovering herself as she did so. _

_Sawyer grinned, rough and seductive but not without love. "Not quite yet, Freckles. Not quite yet." _

"Sawyer! Get up." Sawyer jerked out of his dream suddenly to see Jack in front of him, and he swore softly under his breath. Of course it was just a dream, a memory of before, but he certainly hadn't wanted to wake up to see Jack. Keeping his thoughts to himself, he sat up, rolling his shoulders to ease the stiffness out of them.

"So…what's so important that you had to-" The door squealed open. Juliet shoved Kate in, sliding the bag from her head and speaking softly.

"This is only temporary, Kate, until we decide where we're going to be keeping you for now."

Sawyer was on his feet in an instant, at the door and reaching a hand out for Kate. "Hey…Freckles…" She let him take her arm, let him pull her to him, but she wouldn't look at him and she didn't move. Troubled, Sawyer took her chin in his hand, tipped her head up to look at him. "Kate…" Her eyes were haunted and she didn't smile for him, didn't even speak. Sawyer hesitated, then hugged her, just enough to get his lips close to her ear. "I love you." Soft, rough and for her ears only. It was none of Jack's business.

"Love you, too." Equally soft but with none of his emotion. Blank and expressionless, she pulled away from him, facing Jack.

Jack swallowed hard, tried his best to keep his eyes off the bloodied marks on her arms but it didn't work. "Kate…" Awkward, unsure, he hugged her lightly, keeping his eyes away from Sawyer's unyielding stare.

Kate sat down beside the table, both men watching her as if she were fragile. As if at any moment she might break. Nothing was said, then Sawyer moved to sit down beside her. The look he gave Jack made it clear he wanted a private conversation, or as close to private as their current situation would allow.

Kate didn't really respond to his presence, though she seemed a little more tense, a little…far too nervous. "Kate…what is it?"

"Nothing. I'm fine, Sawyer." Fine, but her eyes were filled with tears. And she still, still wouldn't look at him.

"Yeah, the hell you are, Freckles. I saw it….saw what they did to you." Angry, Sawyer looked away, rubbing his knuckles.

"That's not-" Kate stopped, shaking her head.

"Why you were crying? I know. I know. But…what is it? What did they do to you?"

Kate's eyes flicked to Jack, pacing along the back wall. "Sawyer…I really don't want to talk about this right now."

Sawyer sighed, though it seemed more a growl of frustration. He didn't want to wait, his nerves were wound too tightly to wait. "Give me something. Anything. Even if you don't tell me everything." A moment, then, barely opening his mouth he muttered. "Please."

Kate's self control slipped a little, a tear trailing down her cheek as she whispered words that froze him in place. "Why you'd do it, Sawyer….why'd you have sex with Ana Lucia? And why didn't you tell me?"

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…ouch. And…this is probably it for today because….I have to go study for a chemistry quiz. Unfortunately. I really have no wish to. I mean, I don't NEED to know how to write Lewis dot diagrams…it will mean NOTHING for my career as a vet…I could care less. ::sigh:: anyway….hope you enjoyed the chapter.

Be proud of me for getting this written….one of my best friends in the whole world, I love her like a sister, called me last night to tell me I'm gonna be an Aunt…..she's pregnant and it's not really the best timing or circumstances so I kind of freaked out a little….but I calmed down and got this written and…it's still sinking in. I'm gonna be an Aunt. Woohoo!! I'll try to update tomorrow. Love ya'll. (ack…just gave away my southern-ness….ah well. lol)


	7. What's Right

Ok…next chapter(before I go downstairs to watch the bachelor…sad, I know, but….that guy's hot and I somehow got caught up in it one day…don't ask me how. lol) Anyway…poor, poor Sawyer…stuck with a really difficult conversation and stuck in a room with Jack….that can't be fun, nope, not all…..heh heh

I don't own LOST….just the hundreds(literally, about 202 of them)LOST pictures that I've downloaded to use as backgrounds.

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Sawyer's heart stopped, then restarted, racing at about 100 miles an hour. How had she…oh it didn't matter anymore. All that mattered was she knew, and she was here in front of him crying, and oh God he had never wanted to see that look of utter betrayal in her eyes. "Kate I…."

"I heard Jack, Sawyer, Jack asking you if I knew….then the intercom cut out with static and then you were talking about how…" Kate stopped, tears sliding down her face freely now. "How you had never done anything like that before, sounded like it had meant so much to you…."

"What? No, no that wasn't about her, that-" Sawyer realized with a glance at Jack that he was shouting and he lowered his voice, completely fed up with Jack's presence and this argument. Those bastards. They had cut and pasted his conversation to make it sound just how they wanted….just how it would hurt Kate the most. "Kate…that was about you. Ok? I…."

Kate shook her head. "It didn't sound that way. And…that doesn't tell me why you did it anyway."

Sawyer sighed. "This isn't the place to talk about this." His defenses were coming up, shutting the world out. This just hurt too much. He hadn't wanted to have to ever discuss this with her, certainly not in front of Jack.

"No, Sawyer, you brought it up. I told you no, and you brought it up, so we're gonna talk about it." Kate tried to be determined, tried to sound strong, but she just started crying harder and she pulled her knees up to her chest, curling up as tight as she could against the wall.

Jack cut his eyes over at Sawyer, glaring. Sawyer glared right back. Glancing at Kate uneasily, he stood up and walked over to Jack. "Look…will you…get lost? Go in your corner, go to sleep, I don't care. But we have to talk, and it's none of your damn business."

Jack shrugged, still glaring daggers at Sawyer. The sound of Kate's sobs were tearing at his heart, but he knew…he knew it wasn't his place to fix it. Much as that angered him. Jack complied and went to the corner, laying down facing away from the table he closed his eyes though the idea of sleep was laughable….not with this going on. He just wanted to appear not to be listening.

Sawyer shifted on his feet uncertainly. He had to go back over to Kate…had to talk to her but he didn't even know where to begin. He was fighting a fierce internal battle between his love for her and his well constructed defense mechanism…if she hit a nerve, he knew he would yell at her and that was the last thing he wanted…none of this was her fault. Taking a deep breath he sat down beside Kate, reaching out a hand to lay across her arm. She jerked it away. "Freckles…Kate….you have to listen to me. Look….you know I don't do apologies, Kate but…." The look in her eyes was breaking his heart. He had never felt like a worse person, not even when he shot an innocent man. That, in itself, he thought said something about his twisted since of priorities, but he didn't care that Kate meant more to him than an innocent life. What he did care about was how badly he had hurt her. Just like some part of him had always known he would. He always ruined everything. With effort he shoved his self hatred aside. "I'm sorry, ok? I'm so sorry….oh hell that doesn't cover it….Freckles, I'm so sorry…" His voice broke a little and that caught her attention, drew her a little more out of herself. The battle between con man Sawyer and the Sawyer who loved Kate inside his head reached a fever pitch. He was learning, learning more every day about how to show himself to Kate, give her his emotions, his soul, but it wasn't something he had ever wanted to do in front of Jack. Even if Jack wasn't directly watching, Sawyer knew better than to think he wasn't listening. Screw it. He had to. There was no room for his pride. "Kate I….I didn't know, I thought that you and Jack had….never mind. But hell, I'm just a man, Kate, and I'm not even a good one….she started it and I know that's no excuse but…I regretted it, later…for one thing, she only did it to get my gun…the gun Mike used to shoot her. Something else that's my fault and if I'd have only known…known about you and about her…but if that just isn't the story of my life….one colossal screw up after another….but Kate I never…..I never meant to hurt you. And I'm so….I'm so sorry and I know…I know that doesn't take it away. I never can but I….God I love you so much. And I'm sorry. And what I said….the things I said….after that it wasn't about her. You said there was static, they cut it out, I….it wasn't about her. It was about you." In desperation, Sawyer stopped caring that Jack was listening. "Right, Doc? Jack?"

In dry sarcasm, not even lifting his head, Jack answered, "I thought it was none of my damn business."

"Dammit it, Jack, so help me…"

"I won't if you can't even speak to me without cussing me out."

"Jack."

"Yeah. What you said…it wasn't about Ana Lucia. That's all I have to say."

Sawyer looked at Kate, his eyes full of pain and tears to match her own, though his had yet to fall. "See? It was you….it's you I was talking about. It's what we have that….that I've never had. That I don't…understand. But I'm tryin'. I'm tryin'."

Kate shook her head, drying her tears on one hand. "I believe you but….I can't say it doesn't hurt. It hurts so bad, Sawyer, to think of you with her…."

Sawyer took her in his arms and this time she didn't pull away from him but rather collapsed against him, crying with her head on his chest. "Shhh…" Sawyer dropped his voice to a whisper, more desperate than ever to keep what he was going to say private. "Shhh….Freckles….don't think about it. Don't think about it. It was nothing. I promise you…it didn't mean anything. It doesn't. I…I know I hurt you, I'm sorry…" Sawyer swallowed hard, burying his face in her hair. "Forgive me…"

"And if I can't?"

"Don't say that." Sawyer's voice was a growl, low and menacing only because of his fear. He lay Kate down on the floor, pinning her beside him, and leaning on one arm over her he forced her to look into his eyes. "You look at me….you look at me and tell me I don't love you. Tell me I'm not sorry."

The truth in his eyes was too much to bear and Kate shook her head, burying her face against his shoulder. "I can't….I can't but….it just hurts, Sawyer, I can't help it…it's so hard…"

"Freckles…I don't think we'll ever be easy. You and I we're just….we'll never be easy Freckles but we're _right_. I feel that…I know that. We're right. _You're_ not easy but you're all I…." Sawyer took a deep breath. Even saying what he felt for her didn't come easy. "You're all I could ever want and more than I ever expected. Alright? And I know….hell better than anyone I know I'm not easy….I told you, Kate…I'm not a good man. I never have been."

Slowly, Kate reached up to trace his face with her hand. He flinched, and only then did she realize that he was hurting too, maybe even…maybe even almost as much as her. Pulling herself up she kissed his neck, felt his breath catch, then nuzzled against his ear, whispering softly. "You're a good man, James. Or you wouldn't….you wouldn't care. And I…I love you. Even if it will never be easy."

"You shouldn't."

"I love you. But don't ask me to forgive you right now. It's too fresh right now. But I won't leave you. I never will."

Sawyer wrapped his arms closer around her and shifted on his side, coaxing her to turn over to lie with her back to him. He spooned up to her as close as he could, and at the moment he was so relieved that she hadn't given up on him that he could have cared less who saw. Jack was in the corner anyway, and since Sawyer had slept earlier he'd probably wake first…

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Jack laid in the corner, trying so hard to force out of his head the images from that screen. The ones from yesterday, Kate wrapped up in Sawyer's arms in that cage. The ones from today, the blood on Kate's arm and Sawyer pounding on the glass, the screams in his head. The images that came to mind now, ever since Sawyer and Kate had gone quiet after their argument. He knew, knew that neither of them would do anything with him there but the thought of her even in his arms was almost more than he could bear and plenty enough to keep him awake. If this kept up, he thought wryly, the others wouldn't have to worry about whether or not he'd choose to perform the surgery. He'd collapse from exhaustion in a few days and be unable to perform it anyway.

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This was a big scene….the big discuss the Ana Lucia incident scene that everyone knows has to be coming someday…I sincerely hope I did it justice…I did my best, anyway, especially with the weird circumstances I've created. Poor Jack. lol

Anyway….going to watch tv now. Hope you all had a great evening.

And…thank you all for all the congratulations, you guys are wonderful. I'm really looking forward to being an aunt…I just hope I'm up to the challenge. lol


	8. The Good of the Many

Ok….gonna work on…maybe longer chapters? Maybe? Who knows….lol Certainly not me…I'm the most clueless author ever, I just try to let my characters take life…that's something my favorite author (R.A.Salvatore…amazing) said and I think he's right. Anyway….this chapter will be…not full of answers. Just…read it. No description today. lol

LOST…which I don't own. But I would adopt Vincent/Madison if she needed it….

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Sawyer was still asleep, still wrapped up in Kate when the door squealed open again. Startled at the sound, his arms tightened reflexively around her. He didn't want to get up, didn't want to face the fact that someone was here…and they had to be here for a reason. It was Juliet. "Kate, you need to come with me now. Ben wants to speak with you." They both sat up and Kate began to disengage from Sawyer's grasp, even as he tried to hold her still.

"Let me go, Sawyer. I'll be back."

He was wary, he was frightened, and it hurt her to leave him, but Ben had promised to call for her to discuss what she would do for Sawyer's life, and this was one time she didn't think they could afford to play the difficult hostages. She squeezed his arm as she stood, knowing he'd stand with her and follow her to the door…just like he did. Jack too. She took the bag from Juliet's hand and pulled it over her head slowly, giving one last look at the two men behind her. Jack looked concerned, suspicious. Sawyer, for all his attempts to show only his anger, looked more than ever like a lost dog.

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Juliet had come and gone, left lunch for Jack and Sawyer, tried to engage Sawyer in conversation, then left again. Jack ate. Sawyer watched the door. He was sick of this, sick of this place. Sick and tired of all the damn secrecy and mystery, sick and tired of their mind games, and if he was ever going to be stuck a room with a man he hadn't wanted it to be Jack. The barely got along when they shared a beach, much less a room hardly bigger than an average living room. And whether he would admit it or not, he was terrified of what Kate might agree to for his sake. He didn't want that. But there was nothing to vent his nerves on but Jack, and he suspected that after awhile even that would get old. Tossing a glance in Jack's direction he watched him, eating a grilled cheese sandwich and chips and watching Sawyer pace. "They been giving you food like that all along, Doc, while we been eating fish biscuits?"

Jack nodded, smiling a little. "Yeah. Yeah, Sawyer they have. You should eat you know….keep up your strength. And besides…we don't know what they're planning here…they could throw you back out in those cages any day now. It'd be better if you'd had a good meal first."

Sawyer shrugged. "I ain't hungry. Kate can have it…when she gets back."

Jack said nothing, looked down and nodded. Where Kate was concerned, there was nothing to say.

"So Jack…this surgery they want you to do….are you gonna do it?"

Jack pushed his food away, no longer hungry now that they were talking about the surgery. "I don't know. I don't know. They said…if I do it….they'll let us go. But I _don't _trust them and I don't know if I even want him to live. From what I can see he's nothing but an evil man and…I'm a surgeon, I'm a doctor and saving people is my life and has been but…I don't know, Sawyer, if I'll do it or not."

Sawyer clenched his teeth, nodded. "They threatened me, she said….and I don't give a damn about myself…but what if they threatened Kate? What if it was her life, not mine? Are you really gonna just let her die, let them kill her and see? I mean which chance are you gonna take? Isn't this one of those cases where the good of the many oughta win? I mean, save his life even if it's wrong to save all of ours?" Sawyer shook his head. "Or I've got it wrong and he'd kill everyone we know anyway….that maybe he should die. I'm just saying because….I think we have to start thinking now. If we don't stay one step ahead of them…"

"We can't, Sawyer. No matter what we do they're….ten steps ahead because they are recording everything we're saying right now. They…they have a file on me as thick as my arm and I think they know everything I ever did. They probably have one on you to, if you're curious, so I don't know who they are…but I know that with them, there is no getting ahead. We're just going to have to take everything one step at a time." The intercom crackled and both men jumped, heads jerking in its direction. There was no crying, no voices, only static. Then it was gone.

"You think they really let Mike go?" Jack blinked at the abrupt change of topic, then shook his head, slowly.

"I don't know. I wish I did. If we knew that, we'd at least know if there was a way to go…they've shown me…they showed me the World Series, Sawyer. They've got news, they've got TV."

Sawyer's eyes widened. "How…"

"I don't know. But they have some sort of contact with the outside world…but until we know what that is we know nothing. For all we know they may just be intercepting satellite transmissions and conning me…they could be just as stuck here as we are. I don't know anything."

Sawyer hopped up on the table, hanging his legs off the side and facing Jack but still watching the door. "I'll tell you something I know…we ain't even on our island. We're about…two miles, I'd say, off shore. Ben, he took me up on a cliff and I could see it. But what I couldn't see was our camp so…there's no way of knowing where we are in relation to camp, but it doesn't matter, cause without a boat we can't cross that water anyway. And they have 'em…at least two of 'em left, and one of them is that guy's from the hatch….ol' crazy Scottish man."

"Desmond?"

"Yeah, that's it. And they've got a sub, Jack. How the hell they get a sub? I mean just who are these people?"

Jack shook his head, still processing the information about Desmond's boat. "If they have the boat….they could have Sayid. He was coming after us, taking the boat around the coast."

"Or they took it from him and he's…"

There had been too many deaths and neither particularly wanted to say it, but Jack did. "Dead. Or he's alive and he escaped, but they took it from him. I don't know which is more likely. But I hope he's alive. Either way, I'm sure he has no idea where we are so…even if they try…no one'll be coming for us. If we're going to make it out of here…we're going to have to do it ourselves."

The door swung open with its familiar noise. Juliet was brining Kate back. She slid her in the door without speaking to Jack or Sawyer, though she gave Jack a smile he didn't return. Sawyer was there once again to reach for Kate's hand, and this time she was more willing than before, though there was something about her that told him she had just been through hell. Jack stepped up, turning his back to Juliet and the wall. "Kate….what did Ben have to say?"

"You have to do the surgery, Jack. You have to do it. Soon."

Jack spun around, glaring at Juliet. "Will you leave her out of this, huh? Why is this their problem, whether or not I do your surgery?"

Juliet just smiled. "I'm sorry, Jack. But he needs his surgery. We didn't want to have to convince you this way, and if you'd just cooperate everything would be so much easier."

Kate reached out and grabbed his arm, pulling him toward her. "Jack, please….please, Jack, just listen to me. You're our only hope. Ben said…he said if you don't, he'll kill us both, me and Sawyer, and that if he dies…the rest of the Others will kill us all. If you don't do this….Jack, we're all going to die. I know how much you hate him but you don't have a choice. Please." Kate held onto his arm tightly, her gaze fixed on his downcast eyes. "Please, Jack….I'm sorry to ask you this…but….Jack….you have to…."

Sawyer stalked away, leaving them to their conversation. He knew full well their lives, their safety rested on this conversation with Jack but there was nothing in the world that could make him enjoy the sight of her hanging on him and begging him for anything. It made him sick. No, he realized, it made him want to pull her away from Jack and love her like he had that first night, until she fell asleep exhausted against him, but he couldn't and he knew that was just his selfish pride. His pride, and the fact that they had been stuck here with Jack for two days, just when their relationship had finally begun to be something more than arguments and the rare heated kiss. He hadn't expected being with her to be so addictive, so much of a rush. His nerves were wearing thin, and for the first time in ages he had a powerful desire for a cigarette. He'd have sold his soul, about then, for a pack of Marlboro reds. Glancing up he saw Juliet staring at him, watching him with those deceptively soft eyes. "What you looking at, Blondie?"

Juliet shook her head, stepping closer to the glass. Jack and Kate still stood by the door. Kate didn't seem to be making much progress. "Nothing, Sawyer. Just watching you…you don't have to be so angry all the time, you know."

"Oh and what are you, my damn shrink? Listen, I know you. I know all about you."

Juliet cocked her head at him, all confusion and innocence.

"Yeah, don't try to play the good girl with me, sister. I saw you that day…that day you pulled that gun on Kate. You would have shot her. Wouldn't have even cared. So I know what you're really like, you may be able to fool the Doc here but you can't fool me. And I won't forget the way you looked at her. I ever get a gun back in my hands, you'll be one of the first to go. Think about that, before you tell me what to fix about myself."

Turning away from the glass, Sawyer risked a glance back at Kate and Jack. They were still locked in quiet conversation and Kate had tears in her eyes, but Jack was nodding and Kate hugged him. Sawyer bristled, fought the growl that rose in his throat. But it was over, and Jack was looking at Juliet. "I'll do your surgery. You tell Ben….tell him it's tomorrow. But I'll need all the proper instruments ready, _clean_ and ready, and I'll need plenty of assistants. I'll do this. But you better…" Jack looked at Sawyer, at Kate, walking over to him. "You better let them go, if I'm going to do this."

Juliet smiled broadly. "Of course, Jack. Ben will be so pleased. I'll go tell him now. Surgery will be ready for you."

----------------------------

It was night, not that it was easy to tell. In the room they were in, it was easy, so very easy to lose track of time. If not for the fact that they had had dinner brought in, it would have been hard to tell that night had approached, and even harder to tell when it actually came. Jack was at the table with Ben's x-rays and a little bit of medical history, going over them and preparing himself for surgery. Sawyer sat with Kate against the wall, passing back and forth a bottle of some kind of Dharma brand soft drink that had come with their dinner. She had started out uneasy, maybe, he thought, still thinking about the day before. But he didn't want her to dwell on it, and he knew she wasn't ready to forgive him, so there was nothing to say. Nothing to do but do his best to get her to move on, so he had coaxed her into talking, gentle but cocky and just like normal, using what he knew to put her at ease. Show her that everything between them was gonna be just fine. It was working. Sawyer had her laughing and he was so glad. Glad about the way she smiled at him, rolled her eyes, the way she brushed against him whenever she leaned over to take the bottle from him. Glad that she _could_ indeed still laugh after all she had been through, and glad that some of her worry seemed to have lifted. After all, if the Others kept their word, they'd be going home tomorrow night. Kate shoved him playfully and he realized he had gotten a little lost in thought. "Hey, you, I asked you a question."

Sawyer grinned at her, that old familiar cocky grin, back now that his worry for her had faded to something approaching its normal levels. "Did you? And what was that?"

Kate took the bottle and took another slow sip, crossing her legs and moving in closer to him. "I asked you…if you remembered that time we played I Never."

"Course I do, Sassafras. You told me…what was it? You'd never blamed a boar for all your problems?"

Kate laughed, eyes sparkling. "Well? I hadn't. And you told me…you'd never been to Disneyland."

"Uh-huh. Now what was the point of this question, Freckles?"

Kate looked down, still smiling. "We should do it again, when we get back….that was…that was fun. I enjoyed that."

Sawyer reached over, toyed with her hair. "Yeah…yeah it was. Alright then…I'll dig up what I've got when we get back….though somehow, unfortunately, I doubt I've got enough left to get you drunk."

Kate rolled her eyes. "Tragedy."

"Hell, you know it." Grinning, Kate pulled the bottle and took another sip, only to have Sawyer twist it from her as soon as she'd lowered it. He took a sip from it, slow, his eyes still on hers then lowered it back into her hand. Shaking his head, a soft grin on his lips she heard "Strawberries…"

Kate almost blushed a little, grinned, cut her eyes in Jack's direction only to see him still caught up in his x-rays. Not that he would have understood the reference had he heard it. Taking Sawyer's hand Kate flipped it hand over and trailed her fingers across his palm, watched his fingers twitch and his eyes darken. She loved that about him, loved how with her, everything he felt could be seen in its full intensity in those beautiful eyes. "I love you." It was soft and honest, words that he had never expected to say that came so easily these days from his lips.

Kate grinned and let go of his hand, turning around to lean against his shoulder and speak to him that way, looking up at him out of the corner of her eye.

"You told me you'd never been in love either."

"Yeah, well…that was before."

Kate turned her head a little farther. "Is that really true?"

Sawyer's eyes clouded, and for a moment he saw Cassidy. But it didn't last and he gave her a smile. "Yeah. Yeah it's true." What he had felt hadn't been as intense…not half as real as what he felt for Kate and besides…she was his love, his only love, no one could ever compare, and after what she had heard yesterday, he didn't think a little white lie would hurt her.

----------------------------

Hmm…wanted to do something a little more lighthearted and funny….the next few chapters will be…interesting, to say the least. Will they escape or not? What do you think? lol I think in math this afternoon I might try to plan them out a little….give myself a good outline of what needs to be said where. lol In any case…..thank you all so much for the reviews, they never fail to make my day brighter. I'm like a puppy, I live off encouragement. LOL

Well….off to lunch, then homework…bleh. I'd rather stay here and write. Real life is annoying sometimes. Heh heh

New Note

Ok I had to fix a typo so I had to reload the chapter anyway…so I thought I'd be nice and answer a question when I did. pokerchip, thank you so much for calling me a detail master…I am in awe. Happy awe. ::bows head:: but in any case….no, I didn't forget about the kiss with Jack…it WILL come up, and no, sawyer doesn't expect it, but I'm saving that one….since what happened with Ana Lucia was more serious, I was thinking to have that confrontation first, with Kate just focusing on how upset she was at what she had heard. The other conversation will come later, at some point, but thank you so much for commenting about that, and I'm glad you like my writing…makes me happy.


	9. Freedom?

Alright…next chapter. Ben's surgery…and I just love messing around with Jack and Sawyer because…they're just so interesting.

And…I will start doing longer chapters, I think. You not ever get two a day again that way(sad, I know, lol) but the chapters'll be longer so….I think it'll even out. Ok?

And you're right, luanee, Kate hadn't been to Disneyland either, neither of them had, but I just picked for her to say that about Sawyer cause I found it funny…probably should have picked something that one of them had done and the other hadn't but…I looked up the script piece online just cause I wanted to be careful and even though they both hadn't that one just amused me. lol

Oh and funny story…it took me about 3 hours to get home today cause I got on the wrong bus (I go to a big university…not giving names, but it's big, and there are buses to go everywhere) and it was heading way across town so I had to get off at a random point and walk about a mile and a half back to my car…actually it was probably longer than that cause I kept having to change my path to keep heading in the right direction so after about an hour it was pitch black dark and I was thinking "this is so NOT safe." LOL it was, however, amusing and it makes for an interesting story. heh

I don't own LOST…but I would love to visit the Hydra hatch and take a stay in one of those cages. Just to say I had.

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Sawyer woke slowly, first aware of Kate's breath on his skin, then her warm weight against his chest. Blinking against the light of the tank, he focused his eyes on her only to find her deep in sleep, her head curled up on his shoulder and her arm across him. Jack sat on the table, his head in his hands, clearly lost in thought. Moving carefully so as not to wake her, he pressed a kiss to the top of her head and slid away from her, laying her gently on the floor. She stirred briefly but didn't open her eyes, and he stood quietly then walked over to Jack. "What's on your mind, Doc?"

"The surgery. Whether or not they'll let you two go. I don't know, Sawyer…a lot of things."

Sawyer shifted, awkwardly stared out the window, then decided to jump right into what he had to say. "Look…we'll come back for you. We'll go back, get help. Me, Sayid, Locke, Eko…whoever else'll come…we'll come back for you."

Jack shook his head. "No. Don't you be worrying about that. You worry about Kate." Jack looked over at her, fast asleep on the floor. An angel, in both their eyes. "You just worry about her, and you get her out of here, Sawyer. Get her home and keep her safe. You take care of that. I'll worry about me."

"You know they won't just leave you here, let it go. You're everyone's hero, Doc. No one's gonna just forget you, don't be so dramatic, thinkin' you're just gonna sacrifice yourself and that'll be the end of it."

Jack laughed softly, shaking his head. "No, I know that's not the end of it. Just…just get Kate out of here, worry about it later. I don't….trust these people. And I really don't trust Ben with her."

It was the first time either of them had voiced that particular fear and they went quiet. Sawyer knew that this time Jack was right, even wondered why he cared so much that Jack had some hope they'd come for him, but maybe it was being stuck in here with him that had given them a bond. Maybe they had had it all along, underneath their anger. Maybe being stuck on an island with someone just did that to you, made you care, whether you wanted to or not. "I'll get her out. I won't…screw that up this time."

Kate moved a little on the floor, turned in her sleep. Jack could hardly take his eyes off her, but he ripped them away to meet Sawyer's gaze. "Just take care of her, Sawyer. And…take care of yourself too. Just get home. Tell everyone I'm alright. We'll go from there."

Sawyer gave a small nod. "I'll take care of her. You….you be careful in here. I don't trust them either." Hesitantly, Sawyer held out his hand to Jack, shaking it briefly. "Good luck, Doc."

"Same to you."

Kate reached over for Sawyer, a little more than half asleep, then woke up with a start when she felt only the cold concrete. "I'm here, Freckles." His voice calmed her and she sat up, stretching.

"You could have woke me."

"I didn't want to."

"Good morning, Kate." Jack was smiling at her, and Kate wanted to smile back at him but she only managed a small one. Everyone, everything was so much more serious this morning. Now that it came down to it, now that they had to really leave Jack…she didn't want to do it. Kate headed over to the table, sat down beside him .

"Jack…you should have bargained with them more. Convinced them to let you go, too."

Jack looked away. "Maybe they will."

"That's bullshit and you know it."

Jack's eyebrows raised a little. Kate didn't usually talk to him like that and he knew she was scared. Before, he would have been thinking maybe…maybe she cared about him. Now that knew that wasn't true…her love, even as the love of a friend, still felt nice. It would always be nice. Especially on a day like today, when they were taking such a chance. "I don't…know…anything. I don't know what's going to happen, Kate, I'm going into surgery and….no matter what I do, this man may die on the table. I can't say I'd miss him, but I don't know what they'd do to me then. But they had talked, before about…about letting me go." He didn't say they'd talked about sending him off the island. Somehow, he wasn't ready to share that. Mostly because he doubted its truth and he didn't want to get their hopes up. But even so, maybe it'd be best if he just disappeared anyway. He turned to see Kate looking at him, her eyes full of concern.

"But you know they probably won't let you go. And…Jack, I don't want to leave you here."

Her words pulled at his heart but he tried not to show it. He had to put on the brave face for her. Maybe that was love. "It's alright. Somehow or another, it'll be alright. They can't…keep me here forever." A lie, and they all knew it. The Others were capable of anything. " You have to go, Kate. You have a chance to get out….to get back and tell everyone about this place, where it is, all of it. You have to take it. You have to go…home."

Kate knew he was right, but that didn't make it any easier to let him go. To leave him, this man that she hadn't even met until that day when he asked her to stitch him up with a needle and thread. A man that she would have never met if not for a plane crash that saved her from prison and stranded her here with what she hadn't been able to have since before she started running….real friends, family almost, people to love and be loved by, and Jack had started it all by calming her nerves when she would have much rather sat on the beach and stared at burning wreckage. She didn't love him like she did Sawyer, she never could. There was a time she had wondered, but it was in the past. But it didn't mean that she didn't love him for who he was, and it didn't mean she was ready to leave him. Instinctively, she looked to Sawyer. He was watching her, and the look in his eyes told her to give it up. Not to be mean, not out of jealousy, but just because it was time to go. Time to let Jack be the hero. That, after all, was something at which he thrived. The door squealed open. "Jack? We're ready…in surgery…"

Jack looked up, nodded at Juliet. "Alright then." He dropped from the table, giving Kate and Sawyer one last look. Kate hugged him, tightly.

"Get out of here, Jack, as soon as you can. And…thank you." Kate whispered to him quickly, wanting him to know before he left both of her gratitude and that she and everyone else would be waiting for him. He had to try. He gave Sawyer a nod, then turned and joined Juliet at the door. It was time for him to become a surgeon again.

-------------------------------

Kate watched him leave, watched him walk out the door with Juliet, and she couldn't help but think that it could be the last time she ever saw him. If nothing worked out, that was the worst possible outcome…and she had a bad habit for thinking the worst. Tears came to her eyes but she fought it. She had cried far too much lately. She was sick of the stress. Sawyer wrapped his arms around her from behind and turned her to face him, tucking her head in against his shoulder and cradling it with his hand. She was so grateful for him then, grateful that he was there to hold her because without his steady presence she felt she would have been close to falling apart. But he had her, and while nothing could make her feel safe in this place, being in his arms made her feel loved. And that was enough. "I'm worried about Jack, Sawyer."

His hold on her tightened and he rubbed her back soothingly. "I know….I know. He'll be alright, Freckles. Worst comes to worst…they're still not gonna kill their only chance at a doctor. He'll be alright. And…once we get back…I'll come back for him."

Kate raised her head up to look at him. "Not by yourself."

His laugh was warm. "No, Freckles, I ain't quite that stupid. Me and the boys and about 20 guns'll be coming back here. If we can. Stage a real jail break, old Western outlaw style. Don't worry. Jack'll be alright."

Kate didn't really want to think about Sawyer coming back here, and she didn't want to tell him that if he did she'd be coming with him. He'd find that out when the time came. It was enough to think that Jack was going to be alright, though nothing could stop her from worrying about him until he was. "When do you think they'll let us go?" She didn't voice the dangerous 'if', even though they both knew it was there. She had been depressing enough for the day.

"Probably when he's done with the operation. I don't know." He was looking down at her, his eyes soft and calm. A window into his soul he only let her see. She loved that, knowing that even if he wanted all the world to hate him, he didn't want to drive her away anymore.

Kate reached up, wrapped her hand around the back of his neck and pulled his mouth down to hers, kissing him slowly. Sawyer backed her up against the table, and he lifted her to set her on the edge of it. "Sawyer…" Kate pulled back from him a little, was going to tell him to wait, but he kissed her again before she could finish, slow and deliberate. Her protests were swept away for the moment, and she could do nothing to stop the shiver than ran through her.

"You like that, Freckles?" his whisper was soft against her lips, his hands sliding under her shirt to rub her back.

"Yes…Sawyer, wait." Forcing herself out of the haze his hands always put her in she backed a little away from him, not much but enough to regain her clarity. "Look." She inclined her chin in the direction of the camera, pointed across their way.

Sawyer sighed in frustration. "Yeah…well….there's one of those outside too."

"I wondered that." Kate muttered, almost laughing. It was almost funny. Maybe it was funny. "But…they'll be coming back for us. And that camera, and the window…way too…open. For me at least…though you'd have me working breaking rocks naked so…" Kate was smiling at him and he grinned at her suggestively, just like he had that first day they'd worked together.

"And you honestly think I have any objections to watching you do anything naked? Freckles, you're just not thinking, now."

Kate laughed. "Well even if you don't…I have objections to what the rest of them see. And so do you, actually."

The thought of Tom looking at her sobered him a little. "You win, Shortcake." Sawyer stepped back a little, resting his hands on her thighs and adding under his breath. "For now."

----------------------------

The beeping of the monitors, the scrubs, the utensils…it felt so strange to Jack to feel like he was back in a hospital. Back in his element. And it hadn't really been all that long since he'd been gone but it felt like a year….more than. He scrubbed in in silence, staring through the window at his patient. A man he hated. If he hadn't been so worried about Kate and Sawyer, hadn't been hanging everything on his hopes for them, he'd have been ready to follow Juliet's suggestion and kill this man. But for their sakes he would get it done, and get it done right. If everything went according to plan. But then again, when did anything ever these days? It seemed that all the rules had gone out the window with the plane crash. He'd just have to wait and see.

----------------------------

Kate and Sawyer were sitting back to back on the table, talking about everything and nothing, mangoes and Sun and Jin and sand when Tom pulled open the door. "Alright you two. Let's go."

Kate hopped down off the table first. "Is it over? Where's Jack?"

Tom held out two bags to them. "No questions. Just put these on, and we'll get going. Alright?" Kate was frustrated, but she knew she really had no choice but to comply. This was the Others game, and they had to play by all the rules. She pulled the now familiar brown bag over her head.

----------------------------

Kate knew before the bag was pulled from her head. She heard the cage door, and she knew. Tom pulled the bag from her head and shoved her in. Sawyer turned on him, seething. "You bastard. Told Jack you'd let us go just to con him, didn't you?"

Tom smiled, that damn infuriating smile. "Come on now, James. You really didn't think Ben was just gonna…let you go, now did you?"

He didn't see Sawyer's fist until it connected hard with his jaw, knocking his head back to hit the bars. Sawyer got in two more before the stars cleared and he pulled the gun from his back to point it at Kate. "Alright, James, enough." He was bloodied, hurt, and Sawyer could have easily beaten him…maybe could have even knocked the gun from his hand. But with it pointed at Kate it wasn't a chance he was willing to take. Eyes smoldering he backed off, holding his hands out. Tom motioned in the direction of his cage door and Sawyer backed into it, slowly. The gun still pointed across the way, Tom followed and slammed the door shut, locking Sawyer inside.

"I told you once, Zeke…you and me ain't done. I don't think you heard me."

Tom slid the gun back into his pants and wiped the blood from his eyes. "Oh I heard you. And maybe someday you will kill me…Sawyer. But I don't think that would mean good things were in store for Kate. And we don't want that, now do we?" He turned to walk away, calling back over his shoulder. "Don't try to get out again. I wouldn't like to think about what could happen to Jack, or to either one of you, if you do."

They remained where he had put them, just inside the door, once again staring at each other through rusty metal bars.

----------------------------

Jack slid his bloody gloves off into the trash, hours from when he had pulled them on. It was over and done, his first successful spinal surgery since the crash. The thought was as ridiculous as it was bizarre. "Thank you, Jack."

Juliet's words caught him by surprise, but he didn't turn in her direction. "I didn't do it for you."

She stepped back a little, seeming disappointed. He wasn't sure when she was lying and when she wasn't. "Yes…of course. Well….I have to take you back now. I'll get dinner ready as soon as I can for you."

Jack stopped her just before she took him by the arm to lead him back. "Kate and Sawyer….they're gone?"

She smiled warmly. "Yes. They're gone. They should be back at your camp in not too long."

Jack nodded, and the relief that swept through him was more powerful than he expected. It had been worth it. "Good. That's good."

Juliet took his arm. "Come on, Jack. Let's go."

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Night had fallen. Sawyer and Kate had talked little. There wasn't much to say. They had been tricked. And Jack…Jack probably thought it had all been worth it. Maybe all it had done was save their lives. If that. The thud behind Sawyer surprised him and he looked up to see Kate kneeling there, dusting her hands on her jeans. "Freckles! What the hell! I thought you heard the man, we can't be-"

"I'm not breaking you out. If you'll give me a boost, I know I can reach the top again, climb back out and be back in my cage for the morning. I'm here for you. Somehow I doubt they'll care or notice. Bet they don't watch those cameras all the time."

Sawyer cocked his head and smiled at her. "Guess we make the best of this then?" She nodded, a little shyly, he thought. It didn't matter. She was here. He stood, sliding his shirt from his shoulders and watching the look that came over her face. "Come here." She came eagerly and he kissed her, holding her hands anchored to his chest while he slid his hand under her shirt, not really touching her so much as just brushing against her skin, teasing her to draw her in closer to him. He might not could save her, maybe just not yet. But he could love her, and if he tried hard enough, he might could make her believe in his love, even if she couldn't believe in their rescue. That had to mean something.

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So…poor, poor Jack thinks they're actually gone. I'm so mean to him. Heh lol anyway….hope you enjoyed it. Slowly, slowly, I'm getting these things a little longer. lol so….action coming up. Angst coming up. Again. LOL and…maybe some actual skex since I keep skating around it….maybe some of that before the angst to make everyone happy first. In any case…I'm having fun with this. The reviews rock my world. Love you all.


	10. Dawn

Repost of this chapter! Now, with all those annoying typos removed! Now…to start work on the next chapter. If it isn't posted by the end of today, you reserve the right to shoot me because…I have a good hour and for me that's enough to get at least a short chapter posted. So…be prepared. Hope you like the new and improved version of this one.

Oh yes and…I don't own LOST. But I do own 3 copies of LOST magazine that amuse me to no end.

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The dawn was breaking. Light hit the top of the jungle first, then from that point seemed to spread and touch it all. Sawyer leaned against the wall, Kate asleep against his chest. He had slept, enough for him at least, and he loved watching her. The morning was the only chance he got to really stare at her uninterrupted. During the day, work would get in the way. A thought which reminded him, much as he didn't want to think of it, that it was time to wake Kate and get her back into her cage. Sawyer slid one hand under her shirt and rubbed her back gently, smiling at the way she snuggled closer into him. "Morning, Sunshine."

Kate took a deep breath then forced open her eyes. "Good morning." Blinking sleepily she hid her face in his neck.

"You that tired?"

"Shouldn't I be?" Sawyer chuckled. "That and…you're warm."

Given the fact that he was new at all this, even something like that was touching. Not that he would say it. That, he was still working on. "Well…come on. Time to get up, do some cage climbing."

Kate slid out of his arms, standing and stretching. The growing sunlight shone behind her, around her, and Sawyer was struck by her beauty. The urge came to him to take her back in his arms and kiss her hard, but he knew if he started he'd never have the self control to stop, and it would end with her against the wall and them in trouble when it was time for them to get to work. With some effort he controlled the urge and just moved up to stand beside her. "Right…how exactly are we doing this, now, Freckles? This was your idea. You want me to just lift you up and you can squeeze the rest of the way through?"

Kate nodded. "Yeah. Something like that. Should work."

Sawyer let out a short laugh at her lack of planning but he held his tongue. It didn't really matter. He lifted her easily, then held her up in the air as best she could, letting her brace her legs against his shoulder as she reached for the bars. Her hands grasped them and he shifted to a better grip, lifting her high enough to give her the boost she needed to push herself through. After that, the rest was easy and she was back on the ground in no time. Sawyer grinned at her. "I think we could get that down pretty well. Don't you?"

Kate headed back over to her cage, quickly covering the ground in-between. "Oh I think so. It'll work, at least."

She hadn't been in her cage five minutes, had barely gotten settled on the ledge when Tom was there, walking toward her cage door. "Kate. Come on, you're coming back with me. Ben wants a talk with you…says you have something important to discuss."

"Did he say what that might be?"

Tom held the bag out to her. "Just put it on, Kate. You'll know when you get there."

Sawyer's eyes, the worry in them, followed her as far as he could see. She couldn't see him, but even so she could feel his gaze. Even had he been able to see her, the look on her face would have done nothing to calm his fears.

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When Kate didn't show up at work all day, Sawyer tried to tell himself that he hadn't expected her to. That he had expected her to be gone for awhile, that they would have just returned her to her cage like they had before, but no matter what he told himself, the more time passed the more his heart seemed to be pounding in his throat instead of his chest. When he finally was taken back that evening and saw her, sitting against the back wall, he felt the relief could have nearly killed him. There she was, concrete proof that she was alright. But she wouldn't look at him, wouldn't even raise her head. He waited until the man holding him slid the bar across his cage and walked away before he chanced calling to her. "Hey, Freckles. Missed you at the good old quarry today."

Kate looked up at him, briefly, her eyes as wide as a frightened deer. "Sorry."

Scared, now, Sawyer moved to the front of his cage and laced his arms through the bars. "What'd he want, that jackass? Thought he'd be…in recovery or something."

Kate was once again studying the dirt. "He is."

She was about as forthcoming as a rock. Memories of what they had done to him flashed into his head and he realized, not for the first time, that he was terrified for her. Maybe they had found out about her climbing out last night….if she had been hurt just because she had come to have sex with him, he would never forgive himself. "Kate…it wasn't about…last night was it?"

Kate shook her head, strongly. "No. Not that. It was…something else entirely."

She wasn't going to tell him. At least…not from this distance. "Hey…I don't think they're coming back tonight, Freckles. Why don't you come over here, keep me company?"

She hesitated, far longer than he knew was normal, but she finally rose to her feet and began the climb out of her cage. The sight made him breathe a little easier, though not by much. When she reached his cage he positioned himself under the bars, catching her with gentle hands as she slid through. He didn't let her go, but instead held on to her, resting his forehead against hers. She pulled away from him almost instantly and began pacing a little, her every movement nervous. Sawyer reached out to stop her, steady her, and finally their eyes met and he was able to hold her gaze. Her eyes filled with tears. "I….I love you." The tears escaped her eyes and she couldn't stop crying then, though she tried to hide it it was no good anymore.

All tenderness, Sawyer stepped forward to take her in his arms. "Hey….it's alright…it's alright. What's wrong, Freckles?"

Kate shook her head, taking deep shaky breaths. "Nothing, nothing it's just….I love you, so much and….it's nothing. I just love you, that's all."

Filled with more worry than he had ever imagined possible Sawyer tucked his head in against her shoulder, keeping her as close to him as possible. "I know you love me, but that's never made you cry like this before. Come on Kate, darlin', tell me what's wrong."

Kate almost smiled at him then, sounding so much like the southern gentlemen she knew he wasn't. But that, just like everything else, reminded her of how much he meant to her and any happiness the idea might have afforded her was washed away. "I can't, Sawyer…I can't…"

"Yes you can." Sawyer wouldn't let go of her, wouldn't let her move away from him. He didn't want her to go, and he could feel in her just how frightened she was, and she was so much like him. Too much fear and she'd run.

"No. No, Sawyer I…I can't. You remember, when they took you, and I asked you….I asked you what happened. You lied to me, you wouldn't tell me."

Sawyer cradled the back of her head with his hand, nestling her more comfortably against his chest. "I had a good reason. I was…tryin' to protect you."

Muffled by her sobs, Kate still answered him. "Maybe I'm trying to protect you."

Sawyer shifted, took her face in both his hands. He stroked his thumbs against her cheeks, wiping away the worst of her tears and waiting until she looked at him. "What did he do to you?"

"He didn't do-"

"Don't get technical, Kate." His voice had a warning, an edge, but it was only out of fear for her and he hoped she knew it. "What did he have them do to you?"

His eyes were killing her, so full of love and pain, fear and worry, and she closed her eyes against the sight. "No…please, stop, Sawyer….I can't….I just can't….I don't want you to ever know…." Another sob broke from her but she seemed to come to some sort of decision and though she was now shaking, she kept going. "Just….no matter what…no matter what happens, now or later…I love you….you know that…please, you have to know that…."

He had never known, never known he could feel this much fear or pain, and he thought he was beginning to understand why he had never wanted to be in love. It was hell on your nerves. "I know…Freckles, I know….why are you telling me this?"

Kate crumpled against him, burying her face in his shirt and holding on to him with all her might. She said nothing, and he didn't ask again. He nuzzled his face against her neck, leaving soft kisses there between words as he whispered to her. After awhile, he could feel her tremors slow, then cease, and she relaxed in his arms. Taking her hands in his he linked her arms around his neck, then lowered his to lift her and lay down with her on the soft dirt floor of the cage. She didn't say a word, but she did unbutton his shirt to get closer to the warmth of his chest before she curled in against him and fell into a deep sleep. For his part, Sawyer didn't once shut his eyes. He watched her, watched the way she would move against him in her sleep, the way her hands never left his chest. No matter how he tried to shut it out his mind kept replying the way she had looked at him, the way her cries had shook her entire body, and she had never seemed so small or vulnerable. He was running only on his urge to protect her, and if that could have only been enough he would have had her out of there that night, out of those bars and across the water to where she would be safe. But he could do nothing, and it was driving him crazy. He had never been a religious man, but looking at the still fresh cuts on her arms and remembering her tears he could not help but swear to whatever God may be listening that he would give his life, everything, if only he could find a way to save her.

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It was one day out in the hot sun hauling rocks, just like any other, when Sawyer realized the details of the hatch, the beach, were beginning to become fuzzy in his mind. Before, he had seen them with perfect clarity. He could have walked from his tent to the caves for water in his sleep. Now…it was getting harder and harder to recall. Two and half months since he had found himself kneeling on a dock next to Kate and Jack. Two and half months since he had seen Mike drive away in the boat. As close as he could figure, that was an estimate of how long they had been here. It had all slipped into disturbing familiarity. The days were filled with hard work, blood and sweat, and more only increasing confusion as to what the purpose of moving all this rock really was. It was the nights that he counted, that brought to his existence a calm that seemed so out of place with their circumstances. He still wanted to escape. Wanted it even more every time Kate was asked to skip a day of work for God knows what reason, only to come back with the look of the dead on her face, but he had grown accustomed to spending every night with her, whether they made love or whether they just fell asleep in each others arms. If had had told himself, in his life before, that he could have such a high, such joy from watching one woman sleep, he would have told himself he was insane. He knew that, knew it beyond a shadow of doubt but it was true all the same, and it was what kept him going. Her, and her presence…and the ever present hope that some day an opening would present itself. But it hadn't happened yet, and the days stretched on and on. He realized, sometimes, that the others from the plane were probably looking for them, but had failed to think of them being on this island. Maybe they had, and they were building another raft. Maybe they presumed them dead and had already held funerals. Maybe somewhere, there was a grave with a cross marked 'Sawyer'. He had a lot of time to think. Carrying rocks didn't really require brain power. He had a lot on his mind today, both with the realization that his life as he had known it was fading into the past and…Kate. He was concerned, more than usual. She hadn't been feeling well the past few mornings, had hardly even wanted breakfast, and though she tried to brush it off nagging little possibilities, worries and possibilities, had started to chase themselves around his head. Reaching for another rock to load into the wheel barrow he let his eyes focus on Kate herself, chase the worries from his thoughts. His eyes wandered over her body, and before he knew it he was undressing her in his mind, sliding her jeans from her hips…the shock jolted him hard in the back and he yelped before he realized it. Juliet stepped around in front of him. "Keep your eyes on your work. Let's go. Get this load moving."

Gritting his teeth against the pain, Sawyer lifted a rock and briefly contemplated dropping it on her foot before he decided it wouldn't be worth it. "You know how much I hate you?"

"I wish you didn't hate me at all."

Sawyer glared at her. "I told you, Blondie, I don't buy it. Now just give it up and say you hate me too, and we'll just have had a perfect emotional sharing moment for the both of us."

Juliet smiled, drifting away. "I would, Sawyer, but I'm not a liar like you."

He clenched his hands into fists. He might could hit her head from this close distance, even heavy as these rocks were. Once again…it just wasn't quite worth it.

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They had it down to a science now. At the end of the day, early evening they were taken to their cages. They'd wait an hour or so, making sure no one was coming around on rounds. Sometimes just to be safe they'd wait until they had full cover of darkness. Then it was over her cage and into his, dropping into the safety of his arms. Tonight, Sawyer caught her and immediately kissed her, driving her back against the bars. When he pulled back, she was grinning at him, laughing softly. "Hello to you, too."

"You know why she shocked me today?" He was rubbing her hips, her sides, her arms. He couldn't keep his hands off her.

"I can imagine that I've got a few good ideas. Let me see…you were staring at my ass again, just like you always do while we're working…" Her laughter made him smile and he nuzzled his face against hers.

"I just can't help it, Freckles…you're so beautiful. Makes it hard on me, watching you getting all hot and sweaty like that…gets my mind going…not to mention…" He had that cocky grin, the same one he had worn so long ago, telling her that he knew her type, and she slapped him playfully before he could finish the sentence. "Honestly…you know what you do to me? hmm?" He was rubbing his face against hers, sandpaper rough and soft at the same time. He took one of her hands in his, slid it up to his neck and pressed her fingers there, right over his pulse. He let her fall into the rhythm of his heartbeat, the steadiness of it. He kissed her then, hot and passionate, coaxing her tongue to dance with his. His right hand fell to her hip then, and he rubbed against her just enough to make her knees weak and fire shoot through his veins. She could feel it, his heartbeat racing under her fingers. All for her. And it pleased her, just like he'd known it would. He took her hand back in his, pinned it down low against the bars, his right hand already working the button on her jeans. By now he had more of an easy familiarity with her clothes than with his own and he had them down her hips with a twist of his wrist and she stepped out of them, pushing them aside. He rubbed against her again, more insistent this time now that here was one less barrier between them. Her knees grew too weak to support her and he slid one arm around her waist, prompting her to wrap her legs around him. He trailed a line of open mouthed kisses across her collarbone and up her neck, ending at her mouth where he tipped her chin up and kissed her forcefully. He could feel her tighten her hold on his hand and he broke the kiss, taking his lips back down to her neck and shoulders. One hand slid between them and down, and his hands were familiar enough with her body to draw an immediate response, her hips arching as far as they could against him. "James…." No matter how many times he heard it, the warmth that washed over him was the same. He was James when they made love, almost always James and rarely Sawyer. It sounded so good hearing his name, his _real_ name, from her lips like that, breathless and filled with love and pleasure. And it seemed so right to him, somehow, that he was James at times like this, the little boy that had lost so much, the one inside him he thought had died, had been overcome through his transformation into Sawyer, had finally become a man in loving her. He had found a balance between the two. He was contaminated, he was damaged by the world and he could never be fully just James, just the good man. But her touch had cleansed him, washed away the worst of the pain, and he could no longer be fully Sawyer either. Some nights he took his time, poured out his love for her the way her never had with any other woman, but times like now the feel of her was too overwhelming, too intense to take things slow. When it was over he held her tight still against him, panting against her shoulder and feeling her tremble in his arms, both of them basking in the rush that came with the aftershock. A little reluctantly he withdrew from her, savoring the catch in her breath as he did. She stood on her own feet again, a little shaky still, and he leaned forward to leave a kiss on her forehead.

"I love you…"

She tangled her hands in his hair and tucked herself in close to him. "I love you too."

He picked her up, carried her gently to the back wall. They settled quickly into the now familiar comfort of just being together, one of her hands playing with his battered, fraying jeans. "You should take these off more often." He chuckled.

"I do. Every now and then. I'd say you do more of it than I do."

"Not enough." He knew her now, was learning her like the back of his hand. And he knew that behind her teasing tonight she was nervous. She was trying too hard to put herself at ease, trying too hard to relax. Something was up. But she was like a frightened animal when she was nervous, and if he said anything she'd be immediately either on the defensive or on retreat. If he was quiet, maybe she'd approach him about it.

"Sawyer…we need to talk." Sooner than he'd thought. He shifted her in his lap to better look her in the eyes.

"Well alright. What about?"

She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry…I don't want to tell you this…I can hardly believe it right now, with everything else and…" She went quiet but he didn't say a word. He was waiting. "I…I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant."

Sawyer tensed, his eyes clouding. "Not entirely unexpected."

"You…you knew?"

"I said I suspected. Not the same thing." His voice came out much harder than he had intended and she looked away, her eyes downcast.

"I know…I know this doesn't work right now."

"At all." Kate's eyes were filling with tears and she wanted nothing more than to bury her face in his chest and let him comfort her…but he sounded so angry with her. She didn't even know what to say.

Sawyer shook his head. "Ah hell, Kate….this is really bad."

She was hurt, frightened, but she had learned over the years that anger was a good shield and that's what rose in her now, prompting her to pull away from him. "This isn't just my fault, Sawyer."

Sawyer jerked away and rose to his feet, pacing the cage. "Did I ever say it was?"

"All you can do is snap at me, tell me how terrible it is; well you should have thought of that before you…"

Sawyer rounded on her, his glare hard enough to freeze her in place. "Before I what? Don't give me that, Freckles, you started this just as much as I did. So don't you tell me this is my fault."

Kate was crying now, trying not to and failing miserably. She hadn't quite expected it to go like this. "It's not anyone's fault, Sawyer, please…don't be so angry."

"Oh and what do you want me to be, Kate? Happy? Hell yeah, I'm thrilled, we're having a baby in the middle of psycho-island concentration camp! Why don't we just run out and tell all the neighbors?" She wanted to fight with him, wanted to scream at him and tell him to leave her alone but it failed her. He was right. The timing was terrible. It couldn't have been worse. "Come on, Kate, did you really expect me to think this was a good thing?"

Kate found her voice. "No. I don't know." She was getting a little strong, finding some force, some conviction to put behind her words. "I don't know, Sawyer, but yeah, I guess I expected you to, I don't know, maybe CARE that you were going to be a father other than telling me everything that I already know about how much this doesn't work right now!"

Sawyer slammed his fist into the bars. "And you think that's good news? You think I'm cut out to be a daddy? You know the kind of example I had?"

"Sawyer…please…"

"My old man shot himself in front of me. I was eight years old. And you think…." Sawyer laughed, bitterly. "Somehow you've got it in your head that I can be a father, that I'm gonna be just overflowing with joy about something that I can never be?" Sawyer was staring out the bars, staring at the jungle, his hand clenched so tight around the metal it was painful.

"I'm sorry."

He didn't turn, didn't hear Kate moving until she was dressed and climbing the bars to try and reach the top on her own. Swearing under his breath he grabbed her easily and pulled her struggling back to the ground. She fought hard with him, but he had a grip on her arm she couldn't break no matter how hard she tried. "Sawyer, just let me go!" She was crying hard, looking at everything but him.

"No." He was determined, still angry, but despite it all he could feel his heart softening now that he was watching her cry. She kept fighting. "Kate, come on, you don't want to go."

"Yes I do! Let go of me!" She twisted her arm, forcing him to let her go or hurt her. He released his grip, grabbing her around the waist as she turned, sweeping her backward to pin her to the ground beneath him. She twisted, tried her best to escape his hold.

"Kate, dammit, _stop_! Stop it now!" He took her arms in his, pinned them up over her head. She tried to glare up at him, but she was still crying too hard to look effectively vicious. "Stop it." She stopped struggling, her chest heaving from the fight. She couldn't, however, stop crying and it was pulling insistently at his heart.

"Sawyer please….I understand, alright? You're mad at me because of where we are….I know that, I knew that already-"

Sawyer interrupted her. "Because I'm scared for you, dammit!" They both didn't breathe for a minute, neither of them moving or even blinking. The whole world seemed to stand still. She could feel her heart pound a little slower in her chest, some of her fear fade away, but for some reason she only cried harder.

"I'm still sorry…sorry that you would have never even wanted this anyway…"

"Because I'm not cut out for this!" He was still yelling at her, still seemed just as angry, but this close to him, she could see the pain coming out in his eyes. "I can't do this, Kate! I'm not….I'm not the right man to be father. You want that, I'm sure Jack would be more than happy."

Fury rose in her at that. "You son of a bitch! You think that I'm with you just because we're here together, just because you're so good that I couldn't resist you? You really think I'd just go to Jack, that I'd be happy that way? You know I thought that you were actually smarter than that, Sawyer, but apparently you're more of an idiot than I thought if you don't even know that I love you!"

Sawyer looked away, easing his grip on her a little. "That doesn't mean I can be a father. I can't do it. I've done told you before. I'm just a bad man. It's…what I became. And it's all I'll ever be." He sounded so hurt, so lost and bitter, and when he sat up and turned away from her she surprised both of them by sitting up and wrapping her arms around him from behind, letting him rest between her legs.

"That isn't true. And I know it isn't true. You're a good man."

"No. No I'm not."

"Stop it, James." He was still tense, his hands clenched in fists so hard he was digging blood out of his palms. Kate pulled him back against her, pulled his head back against her shoulder like she had when he had been shot. "I know you're a good man. And I don't want to know…what you're afraid of. I just want to hear from you because….I know this is…the worst time and I wish it wasn't true but it is…and I thought…."

"I do love you." She didn't even finish, but he knew what she was thinking, knew her fears. "Kate…I can't…I don't know the first thing about being a dad. And I never wanted a chance to screw things up the way my father did."

Kate stroked his hair back from his eyes. "You won't. But you don't have to tell me you'll be perfect. You think I know how to be a mother? I didn't have the best one of those, either." Kate closed her eyes, rested her forehead against the top of his head. "Just…just tell me you'll try. That you would want to try. That's….that's all I ever wanted to hear."

Sawyer swallowed hard. "Yes. Hell yes, I'd want to try. I'd give…." He took another breath to steady himself. "Freckles, I'd give your….our child everything I had, every….every effort I could manage. I'd give anything."

Relieved, she smiled a little, whispering "That's what I thought."

Sawyer shook his head. "But that isn't the question or the problem right now, Freckles. But I know what the answer to the real one is…" He sighed and sat up, reluctantly pulling out of her arms, then turning to face her. "I've got to get you out of here. We can't…wait anymore. You heard that French woman…more than anything, these people want babies. Soon as they know you're pregnant…and hell, for all I know they could be watching us right now…they'll keep you here for good. Maybe even separate us, lock you up inside. And they can't…" Sawyer gritted his teeth, his hatred for the Others almost consuming him. "I will die before I'll let them take our child, I promise you."

"Sawyer…" His words were so heartfelt, so honest. This, this was why she loved him. Underneath the front he put up for the world, underneath the anger, there was a good man who loved her. Nothing else mattered. Forcing himself to calm, he reached for her pulled her in to him.

"It's alright. I promise. It's gonna be alright. I'll get you out of here. I'll find a way." Kate rubbed her hands against his chest, and before he really registered it he had her back on her back on the ground underneath him. This time there was no need to make her stay.

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Kate was asleep on the ground, curled on her side. He watched the morning light her from behind, but his heart wasn't in it. He had too much on his mind. He had thought about it all night after they had made up. That much he found humorous enough…the ridiculousness of the fact that they could go from screaming in each others faces to making love in about 2 minutes. But that was the good part. Everything else…was a mess. But after thinking about it he knew what he had to do. It would hurt, it would rip his heart from his chest, but it was for the best. It was for her, for the baby. And the two of them had to take precedence over everything else…including his own selfish desires. He trailed one hand across her shoulder, careful not to wake her. She was sound asleep, and he knew it would take more than that before she'd notice. "God, I love you so much…" A tear escaped his troubled blue eyes but he didn't stop watching her, drinking her in. He was only grateful she wasn't awake to see him cry.

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Longest chapter yet…and I hope you liked it. Drama…skex…angst…and the question of…what's he planning? lol something I know but you don't. hehe maybe you'll know pretty soon….leave me some encouragement? Please::meow:: (weird mood…can you tell? lol)


	11. From Where You Least Expect

Alright guys! Finally! New chapter! Now…because I'm sure you're all mad at me…I think I owe you an explanation. The last chapter was posted either….late November or early December. And it's February. I know. What happened is this: First off, I had finals, my first college finals and I knew I need to bust my ass studying for them…so I did, and they still didn't go as well as I hoped(I'm retaking math and chem. cause the vet school does NOT like c's…)but they were…manageable. Then there was the Christmas holidays and as I think I've said before, I can't post anything from home. I hoped to get a chance to type the next chapter and post it from a friends computer but the opportunity never present itself. When this semester started, I found I didn't have all the nice free stretches during the day that I did before to go to the computer lab and write and post stuff. So I've had to do some hard working things out. I've figured that by skipping lunch on Fridays(or Mon. or Wed.) I can get a chapter written and posted, even if it has to be a little shorter than I'd like, not quite as short as they used to be(I did promise I'd work on longer chapters). Anyway…I'm gonna try for that, not to mention I'm gonna try writing in the evenings at home so MAYBE if that works out, I can just pop in online and post stuff more often. Maybe. I'll try.

Anyway….hope you guys haven't forgotten me, and I hope you enjoy the new chapter.

Right so….I don't own LOST. But I wish I had Desmond's future seeing ability. Would help me out majorly on my next Bio test.

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"Freckles." Kate's eyes slid open to see Sawyer looking down at her, his expression far too serious.

"Hey."

"Hey." For her, he smiled, brushed the hair back from her eyes and kissed her as gently as if she were made of glass. His hand slid to rest low across her belly and the smile traveled briefly to his eyes. She covered his hand with hers, linking their fingers and saying a whole wealth of words without speaking a single one. He broke the moment long before he wanted to, leaving a soft kiss on her cheek before standing and motioning for her to follow. His mind was working, turning over the best way to say what needed to be said. "Kate…I need you to promise me something." Best to come right out and say it.

She looked at him, her head slightly cocked and her eyes questioning. "Ok…"

"Promise me…no matter what happens today…no matter what happens to me, if anything does happen…you won't try to stop me. Just…let me do what I have to do."

"Sawyer…" her voice shook more than she wanted. "Sawyer, what are you going to do?"

"I told you." He pulled her to her feet, lifted her to boost her up to the bars. "I'm getting you out of here. I mean it. And I've…got a plan but you've got to just let me do it."

"I'm not leaving without you." Her voice was strong, her green eyes locked with his. "I'm not."

He smiled, gentle and understanding. And not without a trace of sorrow. "Promise me."

"Sawyer, I'm not-" His fingers covered her lips.

"I'm not askin' you about that. I have a plan, and I'm askin' you not to get in my way. You can promise that." A bit of a lie, but a necessary evil. She nodded, and he knew it was all he would get. She tangled one hand in his hair, leaned forward and kissed him hard.

"I'm _not_ leaving you." He didn't answer, just lifted her higher and watched as she made her way down and across to the other cage.

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He had to plan carefully. He knew that much. One wrong move and potentially even Kate could end up dead. There was no way to know what these people would or wouldn't do, what they were capable of. Lucky for him, he didn't see Juliet anywhere. She always…complicated things. His eyes cut to the nearest guard. A young boy. One he hadn't fought, but the way he held his gun showed an uneasy unfamiliarity with it. Perfect for his purposes. His eyes cut to Kate. She wasn't watching him, her eyes on the work in front of her. Perfect. A couple strides had him next to the boy, a swift grasp knocked his hand into the tree releasing the gun to the ground where Sawyer scooped it up with no trouble. He knocked his head into the tree, had him out cold before he spun, gun in hand to get a bead on the first Other in his sights. They were springing to motion, all of them and he hardly had time for the one shot. He hit a nearby guard, a woman he hadn't seen before but his shot was as lucky as he had hoped and she fell dead. The shot that tore into his thigh then was only half expected. He hadn't been sure quite where they would hit him, but as luck would have it his hunch was right. At least they still wanted him alive.

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Kate watched the proceedings with wide eyes, hardly conscious of the man who had grabbed her prepared to ram a gun in her back. Sawyer had been to fast for the threat to even be finalized, and now that Sawyer was on the ground there was little need to dangle her in front of him. They didn't really want to shoot her anyway. She had screamed when he fell, she knew, but she didn't know what or when, or if she was still calling for him because it all seemed so surreal. The Others sprang into motion like ants, collecting all the workers and whisking them off God knows where, wherever they came from when they weren't clearing land. She could hear some of the men shouting, arguing but they came to some resolution it seemed. The last thing she saw before she was dragged like dead weight to her cage was Sawyer being lifted onto a stretcher and carried away.

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"We should kill him for this! Monica is dead because of him, he's nothing but trouble if he can't be contained!"

"You want him to be mad at you? Cause I don't want him mad at me! He wants him alive, Marc, otherwise he'd have told us to kill him before now! I'm not taking responsibility for your mistake so if you do this, it's on your own head!"

"Aw, hell…..what do we do with him? We've got to report about Monica and….Ben's not gonna like any of this anyway….get him up, get him on a stretcher and take him to the doctor."

Sawyer heard them talking from out of a haze but the internal victory wasn't really enough to banish the pain. His leg hurt powerfully, radiating throbbing pain from the site of the bullet wound and making him grit his teeth in a fight to remain conscious. Lucky he had had a lot of experience with pain. As long as he could keep himself awake long enough to speak to Jack, he'd have achieved his purpose. For the day at least. He felt them lift him onto the stretcher, watched the clouds and trees pass over his head in slow motion. They were, probably intentionally, none to gentle carrying him and with every jar of his leg he fought against the scream that ached to break free from his chest. He wouldn't give them the satisfaction. Besides, he was the one that was winning here. They just didn't know it.

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Jack jumped as the door was forced open with the distinctive slam of metal on metal as it hit the wall behind it. Two men rushed through it, Sawyer on a stretcher between them. Jack watched them from behind the glass, the disbelief on his face nothing compared to what he was feeling. "What….what the hell happened? What is he doing here? Sawyer!" They ignored him, predictably, and Sawyer was gone through the other door that he knew led to surgery before he could even begin to register the enormity of what he had seen. "Sawyer! DAMMIT!" They were here. They still had them here. The damn liars. He should have known. Should have known, should have known better than to trust them. He had trusted these people. He had trusted her. Her word. He had been a fool. And there was she was, at the door opening it for him. Before he knew it he had driven her back against the wall, one hand to her throat. "Why did you lie to me? Huh?"

"Jack…" Julilet clutched at his arm, her eyes widening in fear as she realized he was strong enough to kill her then and there with his bear hands if he so desired.

"NO! Don't….talk to me like you know me! Like you care!" His hand tightened reflexively on her neck in his anger. "What the hell happened to Sawyer?"

"Jack, please!" She fought with him futilely, hoping her desperation would touch him. If it did, he didn't show it. "He…he shot a woman, they shot him in the leg to stop him. He…I was coming to get you to come treat him. He's in surgery." Jack spun away from her, stalking off through the door and down the hallway that he knew led to the operating room.

For a long moment Juliet remained against the wall, rubbing her throat and working over the puzzle that was Jack Shephard. No answers presented themselves, and in the end she realized only that against her will, she now had a greater respect for his anger. The thought wasn't very comforting.

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Sawyer lay on the table, blood from a gunshot wound on his left leg soaking his jeans. The men that had left him there were gone. Jack was down on Sawyer's level as fast as he could, already running over the possibilities of where the bullet could have hit and what he needed to do first. "Hey…Sawyer, can you answer me?"

Sawyer nodded weakly, forcing the pain out his mind enough to make his voice work. "Hey, Doc. Long time no see."

Jack pressed his hand to the bullet wound, slowing the blood flow. "Yeah. What the hell happened? And why are you still here?"

Sawyer shook his head a little, brought up a little clarity. "No time. Listen…I need your help."

The words shook Jack up more than a little. Sawyer asking him for help meant trouble. Big trouble, and of the kind he didn't want to think about. "Kate."

"Yeah." Sawyer took a breath to gather energy, wincing at the pressure Jack was applying to his leg. "She's…she's pregnant." Jack's eyes widened. "I wouldn't tell ya except you're the doctor and…she needs you now more than she needs me and…one of us has got to get her out of here. Seeing as she needs you well….put two and two together and you know I can't be the one to break her out."

"Sawyer…" Half out of it as he was, Sawyer wondered if he imagined the compassion in Jack's voice. In the past it would have been so out of place as to be impossible. But something about being prisoners together had brought them closer and he hardly knew if he was hearing things or not. It didn't matter. He was desperate. Jack had to know it.

"I mean it. I…" It was hard to say it, doubly hard because the pain was getting worse instead of better. "I need you to this. For me. For Kate. Alright? Get her out of here…take care of her." He swallowed hard and shut his eyes against the very real and un-masculine tears that threatened to come. "And don't….let her come back for me. They can't take her."

Silence, but it didn't last too long. "Alright. Sawyer, I'll get her out but…I don't know how. You know how they're watching us in here…I don't know when I can break her out, I've only gotten out once and…"

"Maybe I could create a diversion."

Jack laughed. "Yeah. That's what you did today. I don't think you're gonna be up for any more diversions any time soon."

"There might…be a way." Jack and Sawyer both froze, and it was a moment before Jack gathered the presence of mind to turn and look over his shoulder. Juliet stood in the doorway, her blue eyes uneasy but fixed with determination on the two men before her. "If…if I help you, there might be a way."

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So…have I redeemed myself for being gone for so long? Hope so…and I hope you guys haven't forgotten me. ::sad face:: lol anyway….hope you enjoyed the chapter….

Juliet intrigues me more in light of new information…after seeing the way her jackass of an ex-husband treated her, I found myself feeling sorry for her…hmm.

Anyway….reviews please…they make my day…and I'm sure they'd be great medicine for the cold I'm getting over.


	12. Well Intentioned Lies

Ok…once again, I'm back, and I'm sorry for the huge gap in time in updates…real life has started getting in the way of my writing..I don't like that.

I used to be so good about updating…sigh

Alright well…next chapter. Then I have to go drive out to a farm and take a test on horses. Fun stuff.

I don't own LOST…if I did I so would have killed off Nikki and Paolo much sooner.

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Jack turned, slowly. "If you…help us. And how are we supposed to trust you? You lied to me."

"I…I know, I lied to you before. I had to. I'm sorry, Jack."

Jack held her gaze with his steady one. "I don't know if I believe you."

"Please…you have to believe me…I don't want to be here. I can't tell you everything now, but I swear to you, Jack, they are keeping me here as much as they're keeping you. I've gone along because…because I want to go home, and I keep thinking they'll let me but I don't know anymore and…" She looked away. "And if I help you, you have to let me come back with you. I don't want to live here anymore."

Jack said nothing for a moment, then motioned for her to step forward. "Get over here and help me with his leg." She came like a scared kitten, cautious now that she had seen he was indeed stronger than her. Not something she was used to, even in a man. Jack took a deep breath. "What exactly is your plan?"

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Kate had paced her cage until she felt dizzy, screamed for someone to tell her what was going on until she was hoarse. No one had come. Night was coming on, the sky taking on a purple glow. She was collapsed against the bars, the pressure of the metal welcome against her skin. It reminded her that she wasn't dead. She felt dead. She heard them coming before she saw them, a slight clink of metal handcuffs and the jangle of a key ring. He was limping heavily, using a crutch, but he was walking. He was alive. "Sawyer! Sawyer!"

He looked up at her, blue eyes reassuring. "Hey, Freckles. I'm ok." Tom pulled the door open, almost helping Sawyer into the cage. Sawyer shrugged him off. "I don't need your help, Zeke. Get your hands off me."

Tom backed away, slamming the door. "Have it your way, James." He had only been gone 2 minutes when Kate was over the bars and dropping into Sawyer's cage. Her barely trembling hands fell to his leg first.

"Sawyer…why did you do that? Are you in a lot of pain? Did they give you anything? Did you see Jack? Did-"

"Shhhhh." Sawyer covered her lips with one finger, just enough to silence her. "Slow down there, Speedy. C'mere." Pulling her down with one hand he kissed her, slow and reassuring. He tucked her in against his side, letting one of her hands rest on his injured thigh. It seemed to make her feel like she was doing something. "I did what I did because I needed to talk to Jack. Yes, I did talk to Jack. Yes, he fixed me up real good. Said it'll heal well. Said I was lucky, where the bullet hit." He smiled at her. "Don't know that I've ever _felt_ lucky when I got shot, but I have reason to believe the good doctor."

"What did Jack say?"

"About what? The baby, or what I had to talk to him about?"

Kate cut her eyes at him, curious and more than a little worried. "Both. What…did you have to talk to him about."

Sawyer shifted, his smile fading. Serious conversation time. He'd wanted to put it off, but he knew he couldn't. "Getting you out of here."

"How…"

"Can't really say that at the moment, Freckles. You know my reasons."

She glanced in the direction of the camera then cursed herself for the slip. She knew better. "Will it…will it work?"

A sad smile. "Yeah. Yeah, it'll work." Sawyer brushed a strand of hair back from her face and kissed her forehead. "I love you."

"Love you, too." Kate moved closer to him only to stop when he winced in pain. One arm around his shoulders, she helped ease him into laying on his back on the ground. She lay beside him on his good side, head on his chest and body curled against him. "I was…so scared, Sawyer."

He rubbed her back with one hand, small circles that helped calm her nerves. "I'm….sorry I scared you. Everything's alright now. Promise."

"Really?"

"Really. Don't worry." Within a half hour, she was asleep. He wondered, vaguely, how many times he'd have to lie to her before it didn't feel so damn awful. Maybe something like that never stopped. Maybe it wasn't supposed to stop. He watched the stars, the movements of the moon. He watched her sleep. He didn't, and he didn't want to. He would sleep tomorrow. He'd need it.

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The sirens were the first clue something was going on. He'd known they'd go off early, but he didn't know Kate would still be asleep. She jolted up, kept from screaming by his hand quickly clamped over her mouth. "Easy, Freckles." He let go and sat back against the wall.

"You know what's happening."

"A vague outline, yeah."

"Jack?"

He nodded, curtly. "And…someone else. Wait. Give it about 10 minutes, I think. Be ready."

They waited in silence. Everything else was loud enough. Sirens, people running, walkies going off. Then the sirens stopped and a relative calm settled over the camp, and it wasn't even quite as long as he had said. When he saw Jack and Juliet coming, he stood with a grimace and motioned Kate to her feet.

"What is she doing here? Jack?"

Juliet was already unlocking the door. "Come on, let's go."

Kate wanted to question him again but she didn't. A scathing look in Juliet's direction would do for the time being. "Come on, Sawyer, let's go." He didn't answer. Her heart pounded in her chest, her fears confirmed when she turned to look at him. "NO! I told you, I'm not leaving you here!"

"You have to. My condition…I'd just slow you down. You've got to go. Jack'll look out for you. I know he will." They shared a look, a slight nod on Jack's part. Sawyer hoped he could read his thanks behind the pain in his eyes.

Kate's hands hit his chest hard, shoving him back against the wall. "I won't let you do this! I don't care if you slow us down, I'm not going without you, Sawyer, I'm not…" She was crying now, falling apart and he couldn't let that happen. She had to go. His heart breaking, he wrapped his arms around her.

"Hey…hey…breathe, ok? Kate….I can't. I can't, and I can't live knowing I didn't do what was right for you…" he buried his head in her hair, spoke only to her. "You have to do this…for me…I need to know you're alright…nothin' else matters. You have to go with him. I'll come after you if I can, when I can run again…"

"No…Sawyer, please….no…"

Swallowing hard, he slid one hand low over her stomach, barely brushing against her skin. "You have to do this, Kate…for me…for the baby."

He was right. She knew he was right, and at the moment she hated him for it. She pulled away angrily. Tears blurring her vision. "You lied to me."

Sawyer's chest constricted painfully. "I know. I had to. I'm…not sorry, if it saves you. I love you." He had to say it.

"James…" She was still crying, fighting it. "I love you."

His voice dropped. "I'll come after you. But in case it takes me awhile…" _In case it's never…_ "You'll…you'll tell them…." He gestured at her stomach…. "I love 'em too."

She nodded, her throat too tight to speak. He shoved her toward Jack. "Go. Nothing else to say." She didn't move. He looked at Jack, pleading. The other man reached forward and took her firmly by the arm.

"Come on, Kate. We have to go. Now."

Sawyer drifted over to lean against the bars, his eyes locked on Jack as he pulled her away. It was unspoken, but it was there. _Take care of her…damn it, Jack…_

Jack reached through the bars and clasped his arm, hard. "I'm coming back for you."

"The hell you are. Take care of her. Of my kid. That was the deal."

"They'll be others."

He didn't protest. "Just get the hell out." Suddenly, he didn't want to watch anymore. He could hear anyway. She was still crying, but he could hear when they did coax her into a run. He could hear the sounds as they hit the jungle running. Then he heard nothing. He was all alone. Collapsing against the back wall he stared up at the sky, laughing at the irony of it. He was stuck in a damn open cage while his former rival ran away with the love of his life and a woman who he'd love to kill. It was ridiculous, it was insane, and it was easier to laugh than cry though he didn't really feel like doing either. Exhausted, curled up on his right side with his back to the wall. There was nothing to do, nothing to watch. Nothing to distract his shattered heart, except maybe the deep sleep of pure exhaustion. He desperately hoped he'd reached that point.

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Sad, I know…I know…I had to do it. Don't worry, it'll all work out…and don't worry, it defiantly won't turn into a Jate, though there is a strong Jack/Kate friendship and a strong Jack/Sawyer friendship though I'm sure you've already been able to tell that by my writing so far…but don't worry, it's not going to any other ships. Anyway…I'll try to have a new chapter up SOON(really this time!), and I'd love to do it right now but I really do have to go point at parts of the horse and comment on the difference in socks and stockings and coronet bands and things like that.

Hope you enjoyed the chapter.

Reviewslove. Please?


	13. Not Left Behind

Told you I was going to try to be reliable again.

As of this writing…101 reviews!!!! Woohoo!!! Have I told you guys lately how much I love you? lol

Seriously, I feel so honored that people are enjoying this…it makes me happy.

I don't own LOST, though I do own an absurd amount of psychology notes that I would rather see shoved into those little tubes from the Pearl…

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The boat was right there, ready to go. No guards, no problems. Juliet vaulted over the side. "Come on, let's go. Jack, get the rope."

Jack let go of the death grip he had had on Kate's wrist, grabbed the coarse rope and began to untie it. "Go on, Kate, get on." He paused when he realized she wasn't moving. "Kate…"

She stood behind him, backing up slowly and shaking her head. "I can't do it, Jack. I can't leave him here."

"Kate…it's what he wants, you'll be safe…"

"I know, I know but I can't….Jack, _please_…I can't…."

Jack shook his head. "I promised him I'd get you out of here."

Kate bit her lip, coming to a decision. "You have. You…go back for him."

Jack's eyes cut to Juliet. "I gave him my word."

"I'm not going if you don't."

Juliet stepped down off the boat, caught Jack's eyes with her cold blue ones. "It's alright, Jack. You can trust me."

He shook his head. "I don't know…"

"I told Alex, didn't I? It went off, just like I said, didn't it? I lied to Ben, and I took you to this boat. I think I've proven you can trust me."

"So had Michael."

"And you'll never trust anyone again?"

Jack slammed his hand down on the wood pylon holding the boat in place. "We're not having this conversation now! Just…will you take her back?"

"Yes."

Jack looked hard at Kate. He had promised, given his word to Sawyer that he would take care of her, that he'd be the one to take her home. None of that would do any good if she was miserable enough to run away from him, and at the moment she looked just like that. A beautiful, frightened horse so capable of bolting if felt even the slightest movement in its direction.

"I won't go, Jack."

Just like he thought. She was just as stubborn as she was beautiful. He sighed. "Ok. Get out of here." He caught Juliet's arm with one hand. "When I get him, how can we get out?"

"Find Alex. They won't have caught her, I'm betting, with the head start she had. The island's small and she knows where to hide, you don't. Just….try along the tree line, near the beach. She'll find you, I'm sure, and she has a boat somewhere. You'll have a way across."

He nodded, released her. His hand dropped briefly to Kate's shoulder and he almost hugged her but stopped himself at the last minute. He wasn't sure why. Then he was running.

"Jack!" Juliet. "Be careful." He didn't turn, but he did listen.

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The sound of creaking metal woke him from his sleep. The already ajar door was being wrenched completely open. He shoved himself up on one arm, blinking. Jack. "Son of a bitch! I told you to get her out!"

"Sawyer, shut up." Jack was kneeling in front of him, pulling on Sawyer's arm and sliding one arm around his shoulders.

"No! What the hell, Jack-"

"Shut up! She's leaving, on the boat with Juliet. She wouldn't leave if I didn't come back for you. She stubborn, you know. Wonder who else we know like that…"

Sawyer didn't answer.

"She'll be alright. I think if we hurry we can get off this island and not be far behind them. So come on." He pulled Sawyer to his feet, tightening his grip when he saw the other man grimace against the pain in his leg. "Lean on me. It's stiff and it's gonna hurt like hell anyway so you need to put as little weight on it as possible." Sawyer still said nothing, but he did lean hard onto Jack until he had his balance. Then they were moving. It wasn't a run by any stretch buy Sawyer was hobbling as fast as he could and Jack was supporting most of his weight. It wasn't easy, but it worked.

"You shouldn't have come back. I trusted you." It was hard enough to say it, impossible to look at Jack when he did.

"She meant it, Sawyer. She would have run from me, back here to get you herself. I thought…better to get her off with Juliet."

Sawyer laughed harshly. "Yeah. As if I trust that bitch."

Jack tensed. "I don't think…she's all bad. Not like…the rest of them."

"Oh you don't, do you? Or do you just think she has a nice ass?"

Jack shook his head "Sawyer…"

"Oh cut it out, you're not gonna drop me and leave me in the jungle so don't even threaten. I'm just askin'. Makin' _you_ give it a little thought. Why do you trust her, doc?"

Jack pursed his lips together hard, thinking. "I don't…trust her. But I do think that she was telling the truth about wanting to get out of here. She seems…desperate. And she asked me to kill Ben, on the table. She hates him just like we do. She's not…quite one of them. But I don't know who she is."

"And maybe you wanna find out?" He was pushing his luck and he knew it, but he wasn't big on restraint.

Jack laughed. "You never stop, do you?"

"Rarely."

"I don't know, Sawyer. I don't know. I think…she needs someone."

Silence. The conversation was turning serious. Sawyer was never good at serious. "Well…you're good at that. Being there for people."

"Lot of people haven't thought so." Why was he telling him this now? His tattoo flashed into his mind. He was never 'one of' anything. Even with friends. He never confided, never took, always gave. Why now? Sawyer stumbled, slightly, and Jack tightened his grip and pulled him closer to lean more heavily on his shoulder. "If you need to sit down…"

Sawyer waved a hand at him. "No. Hell no. Gotta keep moving. Come on." Jack didn't miss the way his leg shook a little on his next step, but he said nothing. "Don't think I'm gonna let you go that easy. Lot of people. Specifics?"

Specifics. His dad. That was a mess he didn't even like thinking about. Certainly not today. Sarah. The longer it had been since the divorce, the less often he thought of her. In the beginning it was every breath, then it had tapered off to every 10 minutes, following in increasing increments of time until he could get through whole days and even, occasionally, weeks without thinking just how much he had screwed up his marriage. Here on the island, he thought about her even less. They had reminded him. He supposed it meant he had come a long way, the fact that he now cared only for her happiness. Even if it wasn't with him. It didn't mean he didn't wish it could have been, didn't mean that thinking of her didn't hurt. Somehow, he had a feeling it would always hurt. Some wounds never healed.

"What, is that a hard question?" Sawyer's voice jolted him back into reality. It was easy and sarcastic, but not without a little bit of understanding. If he really didn't want to answer, he had an out.

"No." Jack took a deep breath. Struggling through the jungle practically carrying another man wasn't easy. "My ex-wife. My…father."

"Ah." Jack looked troubled, as if the very words had added weight to his shoulders. Sawyer decided not to push it. "Yeah well…people can't always see the truth about people. Even if they think they know 'em. So…doesn't mean anything about you. Whatever it was they…didn't see."

Strangely worded but perfectly Sawyer. Jack was pretty sure he got the point.

The sound of a cocking gun stopped them both in their tracks. "Hold it right there!" They had never seen him before. Not that it mattered. A generic 'one of them'. He held a handgun on them, more specifically, on Sawyer's chest, and his aim was steady. "You two'll be coming back with me." His grin was grim and could mean nothing good. Then there was a dull thud and he was dropping like a ragdoll to the jungle floor to reveal a teenage girl with a rifle. She was wide eyed and looked more than a little nervous but her hands were steady. And covered in dried blood.

"…Alex?"

She nodded, eyes darting. "Yeah. I'm Alex."

"Juliet said…you had a boat." Jack didn't want to waste any time. It was sheer luck that they had run into her when they did. Either that or she had been looking for them. Hard to be sure which.

"I do. You want to leave? I thought-"

"Change of plans. Can we take your boat?"

She nodded, motioning them to follow her. "Sure. As long as me and Karl come with you."

Sawyer turned his head sharply to look at her. "Karl?"

"My boyfriend. Yeah. They took him. Juliet came and told me where they were keeping him, said she knew I'd go after him and she wouldn't tell I was planning it…I got him out. She asked me…not to tell my father about her plans to leave and she wouldn't tell him about mine."

"Your father?" Sawyer gaped at her. "That son of a bitch is your father?"

Alex bit her lower lip nervously. "He isn't…all bad."

"Yeah, compared to Hitler."

Alex shot him a quizzical look. "Ah, never mind. I went to a better school than you."

"How far's the boat?" Jack knew if he didn't interrupt this could go on for quite awhile.

She shook her head. "Not far. Just this way. Come on."

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Kate leaned on the back railing of the sail boat, looking back. The other island really was pretty small. Theirs looked huge in comparison. It was big, really, for an island. Trivial thoughts, the kind she needed to keep her head clear. As clear as it could be, anyway. She had let Juliet handle the sails on the boat. She didn't know much about sailboats, and what she did know she wasn't ready to volunteer. So long as it was moving and it was getting closer to the island, she didn't care if they were on a log. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched Juliet bob across the deck tightening ropes and watching the sail. She tensed slightly when Juliet came to take a seat beside her.

"He'll be alright, Kate."

"You don't know that."

"I know Jack. I know he'll do everything he can to make sure that's the case."

"You don't know Jack either."

"And you do?"

Kate narrowed her eyes. "Listen. I am only here with you to get Jack to go back to save Sawyer. I don't like you, and I don't trust you, and I have no interest in talking to you. Not after what you've done."

Juliet looked away for a moment, out across the water. "What exactly…have I done, Kate? Really. For the most part I just brought Jack food and water and assisted in surgery."

Kate's voice was soft, remembering. "You hurt Sawyer."

Juliet rubbed her palms across the deck, thinking. "I had to."

"Had to, or chose to?" Kate whipped around to glare at her face to face. "I've conned people before, and I know it's no good unless it's convincing. So just because you want to pretend you're sorry now doesn't make me believe you really are. If you were…really one of them, you just want me to think the same things as you do now. And I have no reason to start trusting you." Juliet looked a little shocked, a little hurt, but that could have just been another programmed reaction. It was impossible to tell. "Just…leave me alone."

"If that's what you want, Kate." Juliet stood to leave, then hesitated. "What you did…to your step-father…I understand."

Kate flinched but didn't turn. She didn't want to give her the benefit of some sort of outraged response. All the same, the words kept turning over and over in her head. She watched the waves, hoping it would drown them out.

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So…decided to weave some aspects of the canon storyline into this…just a bit, the whole Karl being brainwashed thing and all. It fit.

Anyway….hope you enjoyed the chapter…it was my relaxation after finishing my biology lab final(big happy dance). lol

And…and…reviews are amazingness beyond amazing. Yeah.


	14. Travel Time

First off, I'm so glad you guys are enjoying the story.

Nicole-Kazan, thanks for the comment about the dialogue, I know there was a lot of it in this chapter and I'll try to be more careful in the future to make everything clear.

Your reviews make me happy. lol

Anyway…quick personal note. I may get about three chapters done today because…I need a distraction. Some of you may have been around a few months ago when I rather excitedly announced one of my best friends was pregnant and I was gonna be an aunt…well…Kyle was born this morning, way, way too premature…he's stable but he's on about four different machines breathing for him and everything else and…it's pretty touch and go. If he could have your thoughts and prayers, I'd really appreciate it. I'm so scared for him and…writing distracts me off the fact that he could be in another state dying right now. So…on to the writing.

I don't own LOST…though that drop down blast door would be useful for getting some privacy.

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By the time they had made it to the coast and pushed off in Alex's boat, the sailboat had a pretty big lead on them. Big enough that they didn't see it. Logic said that they had to have just gone around the coast a little ways, maybe to try and find a better, less obvious place to land. Sawyer had, of course, been the first to point out that they also wouldn't see the boat if Juliet had turned traitor and taken Kate back with her. Jack defended her, but he had his own doubts. Sawyer could see them in his eyes. There was nothing much to say, and for the most part they traveled in silence. Karl lay across one end of the boat looking somewhere between dead and barely living. Jack and Alex were rowing, and Sawyer himself was leaning back much closer to Karl than he normally would have been due to the cramped conditions of the little boat. As much as they were avoiding serious subjects, after awhile the lack of conversation was ridiculously boring. "So…what did that father of yours tell you about your mother?" Sawyer trailed one hand in the water, intentionally not looking openly at Alex. "He tell you…anything?"

"She…died when I was born. I never knew her. He…has one old picture of her, but it's his and…I've never seen it. He says I don't look anything like her."

Sawyer laughed. "Yeah I'll bet you don't. Whoever 'she' is that he's got some Polaroid picture of…she isn't your mother." He looked up at her, blue eyes calm but eerily intense. "I've met your mother."

Alex's forehead wrinkled in confusion. "You…can't have…"

"She's not dead."

In the bow of the boat, Karl stirred and groaned in his sleep. "No…no, stop it…"

"Karl?" Alex's concern overtook her and she edged as close to him as she could without sitting on Sawyer. "Karl, it's ok…no one's after you here…"

"They…the lights…they said I needed…forgiveness…"

Sawyer looked at him over his shoulder. "For what?"

The boy groaned, shook his head weakly until it rested against the wood planks. "I…don't…Alex?"

"I'm still here, Karl." Dropping the oar she reached forward and took his hand, squeezed it tight in her own. He squeezed back, weakly. "I'm here." Karl dropped back into sleep, his exhausted body unable to keep him awake any longer. Reluctantly, Alex released his hand and took up the oar. Sawyer watched her. The conversation about her mother was forgotten, for now, and he didn't feel like bringing it back up. She had to know sometime, though.

He wasn't sure how she would feel, or really, how she should feel. He wasn't even sure how he would have felt, had he been in her place. How would it be, to feel like you should love someone you had never even known, never even met? It'd be like asking you to love a stranger, simply by virtue of their DNA.

"Sawyer." Jack. He jerked his head forward, motioning back and to Sawyer's right. The shore. Right. Sawyer lifted himself up higher in the boat, shifting his weight carefully to keep from the excruciating pain in his leg when he tried to rest on it. Jack and Alex hopped out of the boat, pushing it forward until it was stable enough on the sand for Sawyer to climb unsteadily out of it. When he stumbled Jack caught him, holding him until he was steady before stepping around him to pick Karl up and carry him up the beach. Always the hero. Sawyer sighed. There was no sign of another boat as far as he could see. It didn't really mean anything, but it didn't help his nerves. Whether it was one day or any other literal length of time, he knew it was going to be too long until he saw Kate. And if Juliet had done anything-_anything_….he'd kill her.

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Night had fallen in the jungle, bringing with it the familiar pitch black and cries of insects and frogs. In a clearing about a half mile inland they had made camp and picked some fruit. Now, Jack and Alex sat before a small crackling fire. Sawyer was asleep on the outskirts of the clearing, curled up against a tree with his head resting on his arm. He had fallen asleep almost instantly from the exhaustion. Karl wasn't so lucky. He slept fitfully, resting for maybe 15 minutes at a time before he would half wake, muttering, groaning, tossing and turning. Jack had examined him more than once but if he was sick it was an unfamiliar sickness. Jack didn't know what to do, and was leaning more toward a diagnoses of exhaustion and extreme post traumatic stress disorder. He hoped he was right. Alex watched over him, her muscles tight with fear, biting her lip just short of the force needed to draw blood. "He's gonna be alright…isn't he?"

Jack poked the fire. "I think so. He just needs some rest. Sounds like…he's been through a lot."

"There were…all these pictures, on the screen, and music…really loud. I know they were doing something to him but it's not an experiment I've seen them do before…"

"What…experiments have you seen them do before?"

Alex shrugged, her eyes cautious. "Nothing serious." Silence. After a moment Jack looked over at her, eyes widening in surprise when he saw she was crying.

"Hey…it's ok. I'm sure…he's gonna be ok."

The girl shook her head, wiping tears off with the back of her hand. "It's not just that. When I…rescued him today…." She stared into the flames, her voice dropping to a whisper. "I killed a man."

It wasn't entirely what he had expected, but based on the blood he had seen on her hands earlier it wasn't too far off either. She was staring blankly ahead, without even blinking. It seemed best to let her talk before he said anything.

"He was…Karl's guard. I hit him in the head, with the slingshot, and I took his gun…I went to get Karl. But I hadn't hit him hard enough to keep him down, and on the way back I…I had to rest Karl against the wall, and I was adjusting my slingshot bag and he came up and had a gun on me…I hadn't thought to check him for it, I had been stupid and in a hurry and…he looked down at Karl, I knocked it out of his hand…I don't think he really would have killed me but he wanted to hand cuff me and take me back and all I could think was…what will happen to Karl? I was so…afraid they would really kill him this time. I…I keep a hunting knife on me and I…" Tears slipped from her wide eyes to slide down her cheeks. "I did it before I could even think and there was blood everywhere….I just….left him there and grabbed Karl and dragged him outside…."

"Alex." Jack's voice was soft and gentle and she almost looked up. She couldn't quite look him in the eye. He moved closer, rested one warm, comforting hand against her shoulder. "It's…it's gonna be ok."

"But I…I actually killed him…" she shook her head, slowly. "I never…wanted to kill anyone. I just wanted Karl to be safe."

Jack rubbed her shoulder comfortingly. She seemed so young, just then. "Of course you didn't. But…you were thinking of Karl, and you…reacted. You did what you could, right then. For someone you love. I think….I think that's different." Jack turned her head gently, made her look at him. "And I think that if I had been in your place, I'd hope I could do what you do. Protect him."

Alex sniffed slightly and rubbed her eyes. "I keep telling myself…I saved him but…I keep seeing Robert dead on the floor and…all the blood from his neck it's...I can't get it out of my head." She looked so lost Jack couldn't bear it and he pulled her into a hug. It could matter later that he didn't know her all that well, she needed someone.

"It'll pass. It'll be alright. Give yourself some time."

She was silent for awhile, her face buried in his shoulder. Her tears were slowing. "Danny told me once when I was younger…if you knew you had to…that it wasn't hard to kill…"

Jack shook his head. "No. I don't think that's ever true. Not for most people." His eyes slid past her to rest on the dying fire, his mind drifting through faces of those that had died under his care. "I don't think it ever should be."

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Initially, they had stopped at the dock. For Kate, it had an eerie familiarity. She could remember the feel of the planks under her knees, the worry in Jack's eyes, the rough weave of the bag as it was pulled over her head. She hated being there, and the ghost town of shacks just up the hill disturbed her even more. Even though she knew how to get back home from there, through the jungle, she wasn't too eager to leave the boat. So two hours later they had taken off again, sailing around the coast until something familiar came into sight. Kate's eyes were on the coast, intently and actively ignoring Juliet…until she saw a massive statue of a four toed foot. "Hey. What is that?"

Juliet studied it, eyes cold. "You think I know everything. Don't you?"

Kate glared. "You know more than me."

"Not about this island. Not about…things like that." Juliet gestured in the direction of the statue. "I mean, look at it…it was here long before us."

"And how long have you been here?"

"Personally? Three years."

Kate watched her closely as she answered, her eyes narrowed in concentration. If Juliet was a liar, she was a damn good one. Her voice was steady and her eyes didn't drift from Kate's. She was either telling the truth or extremely dangerous. Better to err on the side of caution. "Three years. And Ben?"

"All his life."

Kate filed that away to think more about later. If it was even true. Everything about them was so confusing. "Right." She looked back at the coast. It couldn't be long now, they had to be getting close. She couldn't help but feel a little excited. Coming home without Sawyer was still coming home. She could see Sun, Charlie, Hurley, everyone…it felt like an eternity they had been gone. "As soon as we get back…I'm starting off to look for Sawyer and Jack."

Juliet froze, hesitating. "Everyone else they're…not exactly going to welcome me with open arms, Kate."

"Well you're not gonna have me there to protect you. If you're scared of them," Kate tightened her hand on the rope. She could still see Shannon's body. She knew Sayid wouldn't have forgotten any easier. "and they have good _right _to hate you-but if you're so scared then come with me to find Sawyer and Jack. If you don't wanna come, deal with it. But I'm going no matter what you do. I couldn't care less what happens to you."

Juliet nodded in resignation, sinking onto the deck and leaning back. She understood. She knew she was hated pretty much universally…except for Jack. Jack no longer hated her. At least that was something.

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So…maybe I think if Juliet was alright, Jack would be perfect to help her. Maybe. But don't worry, if I go that route, it'll just be a side plot. Cause skate is too amazing to ever shift out of main focus. lol

Right well…hope this one was good. Wrote it with a colossal headache and lots of worries.

I 3 reviews. heh


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